Z. Madison

At Least My Morning Cabbie Put It Right Out There

2009-09-04T10:28:00.004-04:00

The floor mats in my cab this morning.

(For the record, the only psycho move on my driver's part was the bass ackwards route he chose to get to the Brooklyn Bridge).

A Most Unfortunate Ad Adjacency Placement

2009-08-04T13:05:00.003-04:00

Turns out the woman who drove the wrong way on the Taconic Parkway, killing eight people in the process, was drunk and high per the toxicology report.

Just as tragic? The ad for NY Restaurants prominently featuring wine swilling diners adjacently placed next to the story. Yikes. Hopefully it's just a coincidence and not a case of Contextual Targeting by the site/advertiser.

From An Email I Just Got From My Father

2009-07-09T16:37:00.002-04:00

Thanks, Dad.

UPDATE: I should explain the "crazy germans" tag - this photo was taken at a museum in Frankfurt, Germany.

Can. Not. Wait.

2009-06-11T13:27:00.003-04:00

August 16th cannot come soon enough

PacMan Attacks!!!

2009-04-21T15:49:00.001-04:00

I can only pray for the day I'm witness to this in person.

Just One More Reason To Love NY

2009-04-16T13:37:00.001-04:00

Spotted on the corner of 28th and 7th last night

Here's Hoping I Can Afford To Test One Of These Puppies Out This Season

2009-04-03T13:33:00.007-04:00

The new Yankee Stadium threw open it's doors yesterday and I must say...the place looks great.

Considering the average seat price is about $75, I'm not sure how often I'll be able to swing up to the Bronx to watch my boys in person. Methinks I'll be seeing most of the season on YES or on a stool at my local watering hole, Hanleys.

Hal Steinbrenner, the only sane one in the Steinbrenner clan, let it slip yesterday "Look, there's no doubt small amounts of our tickets might be overpriced."

Also, the last time I checked the sky is blue and water's wet, Captain Obvious.

Click here to see more of the House That Taxpayers Built.

Bob in '09?

2009-03-27T13:39:00.006-04:00

Bob Sheppard in 1951

Bob Sheppard still doing what he's loved for, nearly 60 years later

When Yankee Stadium closed last September, more than just The House That Babe Built came to an end, I'm afraid.

Since 1951, Bob Sheppard has been the announcer for all home games. (You can hear him on the other side of the Hudson in the Meadowlands, too.) His voice is unique. Classic. Classy. As you can imagine, having done the job for nearly 60 years, the man has become a legend and as much a part of the game experience as the action on the field.

I've heard he's not been doing well. In fact, he didn't announce games live at all in 2008, rather he sent in recordings. I was hopeful he'd be back for this season, if only for opening day. He thought so, too. So it was with a heavy heart I heard his wife had told Newsday “he doesn’t have the stamina yet to go back at this time.”

Be well, Bob. Be well.

PS - Bob's Wikipedia has a lot of interesting information. Click here .

So Long Freedom

2009-03-27T13:19:00.004-04:00

There's much hullabaloo in the NY media today over a bad idea that was gently phased out over a year ago.

See that building above? It's 1 World Trade Center, thank you very much. In days when nerves and hearts were still raw, anything could have the word Freedom slapped onto its name - I'm looking at you French Fries - our idiot then-Gov, Pataki dubbed the first building agreed upon to be built in the space still to this day called World Trade Center by the MTA, Port Authority, City and city citizens, as The Freedom Tower.

It was always 1 World Trade Center. The marketing materials for the past year from the agency looking to fill it's space all call it by it's appropriate address, and henceforth, name.

Pataki's having none of it:

"The Freedom Tower is not simply another piece of real estate and not just a name for marketing purposes," he said. "In design and name, it is symbolic of our commitment to rise above the attacks of Sept. 11. Where 1 and 2 World Trade Center once stood, there will be a memorial with two voids to honor the heroes we lost — and, in my view, those addresses should never be used again."

Um, what about 3-7? 7 World Trade Center fell that day as well, yet not a peep was made about its replacement's name - 7 World Trade Center.

Me thinks this might have a little something to do with a certain ex-Gov's recent leaking that he might be interested in his old job again and getting his name back in the press...

Forget the name. Can we just build the damn thing already?

Happy St. Patrick's Day

2009-03-17T13:49:00.002-04:00

I'll be staying as far away from Midtown and any Irish bars as possible today, but be sure to raise a glass for me if you're so inclined. Just be sure to stay away from the green beer, oh Danny boy.

Oh A-Rod, You Make It Too Easy

2009-03-17T13:40:00.003-04:00

Q: What's even better than the above picture of A-Rod making out with himself in a mirror?

A: The opening of Details' cover story accompanying the photo.

"The night before his life changes forever, Alex Rodriguez calls from Miami with an urgent request. A-Rod is worried about something he said during our interview last night. I've been hearing mysterious warnings all afternoon: Alex needs to talk. Alex wants to clarify something. Can't say what. Alex will call you from his car.

"Listen," Rodriguez says. "I was thinking about one thing that I spoke about—it's something that's kind of trivial but will give me a hard time for no reason." He pauses. "The song."

Aha. Last night, he let slip his favorite Madonna song. The curious relationship between A-Rod and the pop icon makes for delicious gossip, of course. Is Rodriguez terrified that Madonna will resent the tongue-wagging? Or, better still, has he picked the wrong song as his favorite, and fears that an offended Madge might march her stilettos over his back? No: Rodriguez believes that revealing the song would lead to its being played every time he stepped to the plate during an away game. "The last thing I want to do is go to every stadium and have them play that song," he says. Fine—to be honest, it's not even a great Madonna song (if it had been something juicy like "Justify My Love," forget it).

Looking back, his preoccupation seems surreal. Just the day before, Selena Roberts, a reporter from Sports Illustrated, had confronted Rodriguez at a Miami gym, asking for his reaction to evidence that he'd tested positive for illegal steroids in 2003. And now here he was, sweating a Madonna song. It's like worrying about the in-flight movie as your plane is belly flopping on the Hudson River..."

If you're like me and can't wait for the issue to hit newsstands, click here for the full article.

Now That's What I Call Multitasking

2009-03-11T16:40:00.002-04:00

Yet again, the office Ladies Room never fails to surprise.

From within the handicapped stall, I just overheard a woman conducting a business call on her cell loud enough to be heard above the musical chair of flushes in the surrounding stalls. While. Also. Vigorously. Pumping. Her. Breasts.

I realize a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do, but...damn! (Not to mention that contraption sounded like a medieval torture device.)

Can You Recognize This Celeb?

2009-03-07T10:32:00.003-05:00

I recently had the good fortune to snag court-side seats at a Knicks game. Although the team is great fun to watch this year, one of my favorite activities at the Garden is to spot the Celebs. Sure, you're always bound to catch Spike and Penny Marshall, but the gentleman standing in this iphone captured pic is still making my brain hurt.

Who, oh who, is this guy? Come on, dear readers, help a girl out!

Xoxo,
Z.

Little Jerks

2008-11-07T17:55:00.009-05:00

I must preface it was a long day today. My team presented our bi-annual dog and pony show to the CEOs and management of our brands this morning, followed by a two hour briefing by one of these brands. I was suited up and donning heels all day. All I wanted to do was get home, throw on jeans and a hoodie and cozy up barefoot on the couch with a glass of wine. When my meeting let out around 3:30pm, I headed to Brooklyn to do just that, excited to make it home at such an early hour.

As I got within a half block of my apartment, I felt something hit the back of my head. Confused, I turned around to see a pack of boys who, at most, were underclassmen in high school. A few of them were laughing and one scooted down to pick up a wadded up newspaper from the sidewalk. I gave them a dirty look and said "Seriously?" before moving on. One of the kids, taller and clearly more mature, had separated himself from the group and as I passed the Social Club on the corner of 4th Place and Court Street in my neighborhood, I snarked to him "Classy group of friends you have there" just as I felt another THWACK in the back of the head, this time with something a little harder than newspaper.

Immediately I turned around and called out to them "Was that really necessary? Grow up!" and crossed against a red light purposely as a cab was barreling down the road to put space between me and the boys. As I passed Hanley's, the neighborhood pub, I felt yet another THWACK in the back of my head. Pissed, I whipped around and yelled "WHAT THE FUCK!" and almost made a lunge before letting it sink in that I was now surrounded by a pack of teenage boys who, if alone, wouldn't normally act like jerks, but together, could egg each other on to become....well, possibly violent. Also, I was in front of my walk up apartment and the vestibule in which I'd need to fish out my keys from the bottom of my bag and not a place I wanted to either make them aware of or spend any length of time considering the current situation.

Half of the little fuckers ran east to Smith Street. Half remained, a few of which made it clear they weren't involved. I honestly didn't know what to do during the taunting and snide comments the remaining jerks were making for a few seconds when my making it clear I was an adult and they were kids didn't work. Repeating to them the names I began hearing their friends calling from down the block and the sudden appearance of a few construction workers from the nearby site scared them off. Assured they were headed off my block, I called to the few uninvolved ones standing stupefied in front of my apartment entrance to meet them down the street as they were likely headed an alternative route south to Red Hook.

A guy walking his dog asked if I was OK. I assured him I was, just a little shook up. One of the Grandpas from the Social Club approached and said I should call the cops. Apparently this same group of boys harass people all the time on their way home from school. I thought it was a little silly, as I wasn't hurt and they were kids after all, but then I thought what if they ran into a lone kid their age or filled with adrenaline, decided to pull a worse prank on the next person.

Fuck it. I dialed 911 and advised them to send a cruiser from the 76th precinct to patrol the surrounding streets south of my block for a pack of teenage boys. A little over the top, I know, but better than me running down the street after them and/or me grabbing the ringleading little fucker Emice by the collar and throwing him down onto the sidewalk like I really wanted to, right?

I Know It's Been Awhile...

2008-10-23T13:47:00.001-04:00

Forgive me, but life's gotten in the way of posting. I promise, I'll be better...

As an olive branch, please check out the recently released preview for LOST's new season. I personally am now counting down the days until 2009.

Enjoy! (Thx Jezebel)

Are You Ready For Some Football???

2008-09-04T22:22:00.006-04:00

I know I am. My choking Boys in Da Bronx be damned, it's pigskin time.

And what a way to start the season...Congrats on your first (hopefully of many) win this season Big Blue.

I was at the stadium recently and thought I'd share the progress of the new and as yet un-named/corporate whored new home to both the Giants and the Jets. Enjoy.

xoxo,
Z.

McCain, You Shocked The Hell Out Of Me

2008-08-29T14:36:00.005-04:00

Sarah Palin! A 44 year old mother of five (one of which is currently serving in Iraq and another with Downs Syndrome) who was a small business owner before becoming the newbie Alaskan Governor who calls herself a "maverick" and is a Beltway Outsider. Palin's also a gun toting conservative runner up to Miss Alaska.

John, it's a huge gamble and genius, in my opinion.

True, I'm still licking my wounds from Hillary's demise, but I'm no PUMA. I am, however, a 30 year old female who's voted solidly for Democrats (with the exception of Mayor Bloomberg) since reaching the legal age to do so.and not sold on The Chosen Hopeful One who's yet to prove to me he's anything but rhetorical fluff. Adding Romney as Veep did nothing to bolster my interest in my party or this race since Clinton left it.

I've always been a fan of McCain and his ballsy ways. His camp's choice, however blatantly pandering to women, perks my interest. And all the 'feminist' haters: please don't insult me by bitching she's an anti-choice woman as your number one argument. Abortion doesn't top my list of why I vote for someone. There's a multitude of other issues out there.

I honestly don't know who I'll vote for, but you can bet I'll be very much looking forward to the debates.

Best Buy To Sell iPhones!

2008-08-14T13:44:00.002-04:00

Best Buy and Apple announced today beginning September 7th, iPhones will be sold in 970 Best Buy full sized stores and 16 Best Buy Mobile stores.

Hurrah!

iPhones for everyone!

Even The Empire State Building's Getting Into An Olympic Spirit

2008-08-14T13:17:00.005-04:00

I've been watching much more of the Olympic Games than I thought I would. My main tune-ins are for the human dolphin's run at gold medal history, gymnastics and a sport I never thought I'd care about - synchronized diving. Don't judge me on that last one because it's not that often I have the opportunity to see hot guys in tiny speedos flinging themselves about.

But back to the point of this post...

A very cool thing is happening about a hundred stories up from the corner of 5th Avenue and 34th Street. For the first time in history, the Empire State Building is using the light displays on all four sides independently. Throughout The Games, each side will be lit in the national flag colors of the top sixty-six nations competing, based on the number of athletes participating. The first and last nights of The Games will highlight the USA and China only.

It's quite the spectacle. If you have the chance, definitely check it out.

In Typical Subdued American Fashion...

2008-08-11T14:01:00.004-04:00

...Phelps and friends celebrate their victory over the smack talking Frenchies last night in possibly the greatest free-syle relay ever.

But hey, Phelps, schmelps. I'm totally digging Garrett Weber-Gale's war cry.

Who knew swimming could be so exciting?

It's 1991 All Over Again

2008-08-06T15:48:00.009-04:00

EW circa November 8, 1991

Office Services sent out a company-wide email that there was free ice cream in the little conference room around the corner from my office. As I'm not a big fan of ice cream (I blame a certain activity involving garbage bags, ladles and gallons of the creamy stuff on my pledge class' Fake Hell Night in college, which ironically was also my 19th birthday), I didn't even open the email. After my boss goaded me with "But there's popsicles, too!", I begrudgingly followed her to 10.101.A.

In the cooler, I spied my once in a while go-to Toasted Almond bar. What was next to it, though, made my heart jump and a huge grin spread across my face. For there it was. Something I'd not had or seen in at least fifteen years. A. Chunky. Strawberry. FrozFruit. Bar.

Oh my God!

I should mention I was obsessed with the tasty wonders and basically subsisted entirely on them the summers of 1989 - 1992. I have not seen or even thought of them since.

I proceeded to snatch it and spent the next fifteen minutes reliving my youth. Heck, I even sucked the last remaining drops off the stick.

Thank you, Office Services!

Elvis Has Left The Field

2008-08-05T13:41:00.003-04:00

An Elvis impersonator using Wrigley Field as a giant Slip 'N Slide makes me heart the Cubbies even more than I already do.

Thx Deadspin

You'd Think It Was The Second Coming Of Jesus

2008-07-28T20:57:00.008-04:00

After a greater part of my Friday morning was filled with the sound of multiple power tools and three office service workers arguing over what to do to make The Thing work, the beaut above was grandly unveiled outside my office. On closer inspection, it is a coffee machine. And not just any coffee machine. A STARBUCKS self serve machine that grinds beans for that perfect individual cup of freshly brewed java in your choice of tall, grande, venti and whatever passes for pitcher/urn size in Starbuckspeak.

So, on a quiet Friday afternoon, we took it for a test spin. Please note those who don't work in an ad agency, Fridays between Memorial Day and Labor Day are deadly quiet as agencies take pity on their slaves and bequeath four additional vacation days during this time. So, on any given Friday, two thirds of the staff is missing. This was one of those days.

But back to our new stainless steel behemoth...It was immediately discovered that, while easy to use, it took about a solid minute for the cup of coffee to come out. And the fucker was LOUD. Not just during the grinding session, but during the actual art of brewing, also. Did I mention already this thing is situated a mere three feet from my always open (we're an 'open door' policy place and, unless I'm job hunting, I'm an 'open door' kind of team player) office door?

Even though word hadn't officially gotten out about the grand unveiling of the contraption, scavengers from even the far flung corners of the floor came scurrying. Hell, the head of Research, who admittedly didn't even LIKE coffee came out to sample a cup. (I suppose that's part of his job description, so he's excused.) But what about the legions of people who came by swearing they hate the taste of Starbucks' 'burned' brew? Yep, they came running, too, all oohing and ahhing over the majesty that was this new stainless steel wonder.

This, dear readers, is what put the fear of God into those of us within a ten foot radius of The Thing. If all this hullabaloo was occurring on a quiet Friday. What. Would. Monday. Bring.

A fucking free-for-all is what.

Every ten seconds someone new would squeal "WHAT IS THAT???" "OH MY GOD!" "STARBUCKS!!!" and the god damn thing would crank off another brew at a decibel not entirely unlike the Concord during lift off.

As The Thing is situated in an adhoc break center - we have a mini-fridge, microwave, normal quiet coffee/tea brewer, a black and white printer and always in demand color printer, the area gets a lot of traffic. However, there is a kitchenette located on a more secluded section of the floor and a full service kitchen on the floor above. After our complaints were registered, Office Services assured us The Thing would be removed by the end of the day. Yet, as of 6:30, it remained. I'd bet you any one of my client's full year media budgets it will be there tomorrow.

I suggested to my neighbors we slap a "sorry, not in service" sign on it at 10:01am - 3pm and 3:30 - 5:30pm every day. Heck, it worked with the why-are-you-nuking-nasty-ass-fish-every-day and the I-like-to-burn-the-shit-out-of-my-popcorn-junkies. My next door neighbor has a much better idea for a sign:

"There's a Starbucks one block away, you cheap fucks."

UPDATE: It took a week, but they carted The Thing away this morning. It will now be terrorizing cubeland on the other side of the floor.

Deathwatch 2008: Picture it...Sicily...1938...

2008-07-22T13:32:00.004-04:00

Sadly, it was announced that Estelle Getty passed away in her LA home this morning, just a few days shy of her 85th birthday. Getty had suffered with Lewy Body Dementia for years and has been out of the public eye for some time. She was surrounded by loved ones.

Although she'd been an actor since the late 70s, Getty was best known as the sassy Sicilian senior Sophia Petrilla on the Golden Girls (one of my all time favorite TV shows) for which she was nominated seven years in a row for an Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Comedy Series EMMY (winning in 1998) and nominated three times for a Golden Globe for Best Performance By An Actress In A TV Series (Won/Tied with Cybill Shepard in 1986).

You will be missed, Estelle. Thank you for entertaining me all those years.

Project Runway Quote Of The Night

2008-07-17T00:04:00.010-04:00

It wasn't much of a surprise apparent horror film enthusiast Jerry was given the boot on tonight's premiere of Project Runway's fifth season. Here at Z Madison we're more concerned with the snappy one liners. While this episode gleefully peppered us with great quotes, the winner is:

"The dress underneath looks like a handiwipe gone wrong" - Michael Kors, who, incidentally, didn't look as orange as normal.

Our runner up is a toss-up between Heidi with "That was just butt ugly" (which described most of tonight's fashions) or the on-screen description of Nina's "job" (editor-at-large of Elle).

Of course we'll be keeping a close eye on the Brooklyn resident Daniel who would be a zoologist if not a designer and everyman Joe whose ability to quip could render him our quote king if these are any example:

"To fussilli or not to fussilli"

"I used pasta on the skirt and a great oven mitt for the top"

Sweet Jesus, My Prayers Are Answered

2008-07-16T13:39:00.005-04:00

It's back...and with Bret!

That's right, my favorite TV Trashy Mustsee, Rock of Love, will be back for a third season with the one and only Bret Michaels, VH1blog.com announced today. But there is a twist - the new show will be called Rock of Love Bus as Bret will be hitting the road with a whole new batch of skanks for the month-long filming.

"How will Bret find a woman to ‘rock his world’ when his world is always moving? VH1 is loading up a tour bus filled with beautiful babes and taking them on tour across the country. Rock of Love Bus with Bret Michaels takes contestants out of the mansion and on the road in true rock star style... This season, as the Rock of Love Bus heads into America’s heartland, the show will be taking the viewer to a whole new level with crazy, fun, over-the-top challenges- imagine Truck Stop Olympics or a dance contest on top of the St. Louis Arch or even a BBQ cook-off beneath the World’s Largest Thermometer. "

Now if "early 2009" will only hurry up and arrive...

Happy 4th Of July

2008-07-03T14:34:00.004-04:00

Last year I spent the 4th of July in London at a pub, sipping a pint of Stella and noshing on fish and chips. This year I'll be spending it the all American way: in the 'burbs at a backyard BBQ, sipping a Sam Adams Summer Ale and noshing on burgers and hot dogs while cheering on the Yanks vs that team from Boston.

Oh, and I'll also be trying not to blow off any digits or limbs lighting the fireworks procured legally last weekend in good old Pennsylvania.

Here's hoping you and yours have a wonderful and relaxing holiday.

The F Train Follies: Blech!

2008-06-24T14:07:00.007-04:00

There was a highly disturbing story in the Brooklyn section of the Daily News today brought to my attention by the good folks at Gothamist. Yesterday afternoon a man and his very preggers wife boarded a Manhattan bound F train enroute to Bellevue Hospital.

By the time the train was under the East River, it was obvious the couple weren't going to make the full commute. As soon as the train entered the East Broadway stop, the man escorted his wife off the train and onto the platform where her water immediately broke...

You guessed it. She had the baby right there on the platform as four additional trains came and went.

BLECH! I need to bleach my brain to sterilize it from the imagery of the incident.

You can read all about it by clicking here.

Once Again, The NY Post Delivers

2008-06-18T11:53:00.004-04:00

Although I'm in total agreement with the Daily News headline, the cover of the New York Post wins this cover contest.

Must suck to be a Mets fan...

Broken Wang

2008-06-16T13:39:00.004-04:00

Just as things are finally starting to turn around for the Yanks and we can legitimatly eye a post-season run, we go and break our Wang.

Interleague play usually provides me with the opportunity to learn about a team I'd otherwise know nothing about as I don't follow the NL (that other NY team aside). If our series is on the road, it also offers the hiliarious sight of our pitchers at bat. Rarely do they do anything other than strike out, but they always do it in earnest.

Wang actually got a base hit in the sixth inning of yesterday's game. The other team forced the out at third base, allowing him to safely reach first and, to our detrimet, proove his poor base running skills. In an aggressive attempt to run from second to home, Wang noticebly gimped as he rounded third and practically collaseped in his teammates arms after crossing home plate. He had to be basically carried down the dugout stairs and into the locker room.

Fingers crossed it's just a sprain in his foot and not the much more serious (and season ending) Lisfranc ligament injury.

Get well soon, Wang!

As I Wait For The Sweet Relief Of Violent Thunderstorms

2008-06-10T20:33:00.007-04:00

Summer came early this year to the city. After four oppressively hot days, a batch of ferocious storms are headed our way. After their passing, the temperature should drop a good twenty degrees and we'll all be able to breathe a little bit easier.

Thankfully, half of the scorcher occurred over the weekend and I could ride it out in the relative comfort of a cranking A/C and the manfriend's brother's backyard pool. (God bless the 'burbs). Yet unlike the school children who got early releases or 'heat' days off, I had to schlep my way to and fro my 9-5 with the rest of the sweaty and suffering masses come Monday morning.

Suffer we did. As most seasoned city residents know, there is hell on earth. Hell can be found on the subway platforms any day the thermometer climbs above ninety. My summer subway survival kit always includes both a wooden/cloth fan I scored years ago in Chinatown and it's more technologically advanced electronic cousin. But these tools only dull the pain until the blessed relief of an air conditioned car's embrace. At least, most of the time this is how it goes.

Then there's the other times. If a train rolls into the station with every car packed but one, you know to avoid the empty one as it's going to be a roasting inferno. At least they're pretty easy to spot. Then there's the accidental fuck-ups. These are when you are either rushing to make the train or have already stepped into a populated car too far to pop back out when you realize why everyone is so miserable looking inside. There's. No. Fucking. A/C. And you're stuck until at least the next stop which, in typical MTA fashion, could be mere minutes or not. It's usually in these moments the MTA gods laugh at you and all types of random tunnel stops and 'switch problems' occur.

Out of the past couple of days, I've had luck on my side. Until six o'clock tonight, that is. In running an errand, I had to forgo my usual ride on the downtown F and instead found myself bounding onto an uptown 1's sauna. As I became a sticky mess, at least I could find humor in my ipod, which immediately random shuffled to Hot In The City by Billy Idol.

To the MTA, thank you. Six out of seven ain't bad.

Will Big Brown Deliver?

2008-06-07T16:22:00.004-04:00

Each year, right around the time leading up to the Kentucky Derby, I remember that there's a sport I love: Horse Racing.

This is a magical year. Big Brown, a beautiful, inspiring and kick ass colt, has made history. He easily won the Derby and blew away competition in the Preakness. Today, in a sultry Belmont Park, he'll run for something elusive for all thirty years I've been on this planet - The Triple Crown.

If ever there was a horse that could do it, hoof crack included, it's this horse. Big Brown has magic written all over him. From the trainers' drug abusing past and redemption to his jockey Kent Desormeaux's raising awareness for his son's plight against Usher's Syndrome, the Big Brown team has risen to the occasion.

Come 6:25 EST, he'll make the historic two and a half minute run for glory. Here's one among many who is hoping he succeeds.

PS - UPS's sponsorship of the team is GENIUS. What can Brown do for you, indeed.

SHNOT!

2008-06-06T14:00:00.005-04:00

Whenever anyone asks where I work, I'm never confident about what to answer. I'm not quite in SoHo although technically the building in which I'm located is a few feet South of Houston Street. It also has two addresses: one on Houston Street and one on Hudson Street. We're not quite the West Village either, again that pesky Houston Street...So normally I mix it up depending on who I'm responding to and how familiar they are with the city.

Thanks to a post on NYmag.com today, I now have my patent answer: I work in SHNOT! (South of Houston, North of Tribeca). It's genius. And it makes me giggle, in a shnotty way.

Happy 125th Birthday, Brooklyn Bridge

2008-05-23T17:53:00.003-04:00

The Brooklyn Bridge marks its one hundred and twenty fifth year tomorrow. If it is possible to love a landmark, then consider me most smitten. If you've never done so, please take a walk over the bridge one day soon. It's an incredible experience and something I like to do at least once a week, weather permitting.

And thank you to ilistenalot for uploading this video of Old Blue Eyes preforming one of my favorite tracks of his on top of the ol' girl herself.

Ahoy There, Sailor!

2008-05-22T18:47:00.006-04:00

With Memorial Day right around the corner, that most special week of weeks begins. That's right, it's once again Fleet Week and the sailors are descending upon us as you read this.

As much as I look forward to spotting and chatting up the Navy Men (it is my patriotic duty after all), the past few years have proven somewhat disheartening.

Each year, I am a little older, yet the sailors reappear frozen in their early twenties and even if my heart didn't belong to another, cougar isn't a personality trait I'd welcome.

I'll always have the memory of dancing to Johnny Cash in that most vile backroom of The Village Idiot with members of a crew we befriended while to the South, the Twin Towers still sparkled with late night office lights when we spilled out on the sidewalk in search of pizza and the much more subdued beers with a group of frankly, terrified, young sailors who were going to be deployed to The Persian Gulf a couple of years later.

Enjoy the city this week, Sailors. Rest assured, you'll be bringing a smile to this thirtysomething's face.

Congrats On The Raise, NYPD

2008-05-20T13:07:00.005-04:00

When I first started out in media after graduating college, I earned $24,000. This was back in 1999 and even then it didn't stretch too far. The only risks to life and limb were the occassional paper cut and possible liver damage from open bar media parties. (Wall Street Journal's regular bashes at Rodeo Bar alone likely gave me cirrhosis).

I was appalled to learn NYPD recruits could expect a measly $25,100 salary as rookies a couple of years ago. In a post-9/11 world. And in this city of all cities? This figure was not just a sad statement of what the city deemed to be the rookies market value, it was an insult to the NYPD and the citizens they serve.

So I was very happy to learn today that arbitrators gave the rookies a 43% pay increase. The grads will now earn $35,881 as a starting salary and all NYPD cops can expect a 9.73% raise in upcoming paychecks.

Thank you, Commissioner Kelly, for standing your ground and fighting the fair fight for New York's Finest.

Sue Simmon's Snarls Out The F-Bomb

2008-05-13T20:40:00.003-04:00

I grew up with Sue Simmons behind the anchor chair. She's always seemed poised, gracious and classy. Having put her up on a pedestal all these years, I was surprised to hear she slipped out "fuck" on air during one of those "Coming up at 11..." promos.

I figured it was just a simple "oh fuck" mumbled as she got a paper cut.

After watching the above more than a few times, I'm still laughing my ass off at the verve in which she snarls "What the FUCK are YOU doing?" Me thinks Ms Simmons may be a bit of a diva off-camera...

TGIF

2008-05-09T12:38:00.003-04:00

This is just so bazaar I had to share:

Thx, MK at Dlisted!

Hey Hil,

2008-05-06T22:49:00.007-04:00

I've just wasted my time watching hours of CNN commenters pontificate their bullshit opinions and I'm left with the same opinion as I've had for months: Hil, I respect and love you for barreling on, and deservedly so.

If the math of the primaries doesn't pan out and the aholes in the DMC don't allow the voices of two HUGE swing states to allow their voters to cast their Constitutional Right, may I suggest the following:

Become the Independent Candidate. 2008's Ross Perot

Since 1994 I've been a card carrying Democrat, however I'm one of the CNN Poll based Dems that won't vote for Barack. I just can't trust him. "Change" isn't good enough for me. I need experience and action.

Screw the Party Line. Keep on, keeping on, Hil.

xoxo,
Z.

It's Derby Day!

2008-05-03T11:21:00.003-04:00

Get your mint juleps and fabulous hat ready after plunking down some bets at OTB, because Big Brown, Big Truck and Eight Belles are saddled up and ready to race at tonight's Kentucky Derby.

It's been thirty years since the last Triple Crown winner, Affirmed, swept the Derby, Preakness and Belmont Stakes. Can one of these fillies or stallions capture this most prestigious equine honor?

Be sure to tune in to NBC at 6pm to find out. Or just tune in for the outrageous head wear the ladies in attendance will be sporting. Either way, you're bound to be entertained.

Dear Kiefer,

2008-04-27T16:48:00.003-04:00

A week ago Friday, a group of misfits were enjoying the first warm Spring Friday afternoon with a well deserved happy hour at Fiddlesticks when we spotted you walking by talking on your cellphone. Because we're a debaucherous lot, it seemed not only natural but fitting that we'd befriend you, or at least gain a celebrity "high five." It was not our intention to become "that group" which, inevitably we did, albeit much later in the evening. Our sending your table a round of shots was in no way meant to piss off your ladyfriend. We would have felt guilt when you retreated to the same spot as the cell phone call to console her, but were too intent in our quest to gain every passing New Yorker's "high five" slap to let the guilt last longer than a fleeting wince.

Out of respect (or embarrassment), we moved this week's installment of High Five Happy Hour uptown to terrorize the residents of Amsterdam and 80th/81st.

Sincerely,
The High 5 Crew

Where's Waldo?

2008-04-27T16:43:00.003-04:00

At the recent Conde Nast Traveler Hotlist Party, my coworkers and I played a fun game all evening. Our sales rep, who we will call "Waldo" is the only man I know who can pull off a hot fuchsia impeccably tailored suit jacket. Even though the joint was packed, we could easily spot Waldo wherever his whereabouts.

Can you?

Wowza

2008-04-27T16:32:00.005-04:00

Coming home from work recently, I encountered this outside the neighborhood watering hole:

It's not terribly unusual to encounter classic cars in mint condition (think mustangs and other assorted muscle cars) outside of Hanley's, but this truck takes the cake. I've no idea who is its owner, but no doubt he's a colorful character.

Happy Tax Day

2008-04-15T13:53:00.003-04:00

You know the saying, the only things in life are death...and taxes. Unless you want Uncle Sam coming after your ass, all you procrastinators still have a few hours left to file. Godspeed.

Sonofafuckingbitch!!!

2008-04-05T23:12:00.004-04:00

Even though Kansas kicked ass tonight, mathmatically, even if they win the championship, I will only get 3rd place. AGAIN. Second year in a row.

Payout remains 1st and 2nd.

Fuckers.

Swiss Bound

2008-04-05T13:25:00.003-04:00

I'm off to Geneva to attend what's the equivilant to Fahion Week for exceptional timepieces. Having never been to Switzerland, I'm very much looking forward to hopefully getting to explore a little bit of the city of Geneva should I have a little downtime.

I'll also be touring a client's manufattura in the Vallee de Joux. The pictures I've seen look almost impossibly beautiful.

Enjoy your week. I know I will.

Seriously, I Attended The Auto Show - Part IV Fun Finds

2008-04-05T13:00:00.005-04:00

Check out the new sporty Range Rover.

Not to be outdone, Hummer boasts it's own mini me. (The crowd gathered around this vehicle was nearly drooling on what looks like the Tonka Trucks my brothers used to play with.)

I'm not sure what this fugly thing is called, but I'm dubbing it El Dorado 2.0. Seriously, it's heinous.

And now I bring you the highlight of the show: The Maybach.

For only $250K, this lovely little bit of luxury can be yours.

Turns out my favorite car at the show was created in 1972. It's exactly the car I'd purchase next (you know, if I drove and had a valid licence):

This concludes our tour of the 2008 International Auto Show. Hope you enjoyed!

Seriously, I Attended The Auto Show - Part III I Think Steve Jobs Is Behind This

2008-04-05T12:44:00.004-04:00

I've found the ipod of cars, appropriately called Cube.

Hopefully it's battery lasts longer than the first generation 20Gs.

It's cute, no?
Even down to the wheels.

I've no idea how it works, but something tells me these little puppies will be rolling out all over the globe in the next few years.

Seriously, I Attended The Auto Show - Part II In Which I Find My BatMobile

2008-04-02T22:52:00.001-04:00

Sometimes pictures speak for themselves.

My Aha Moment

2008-04-02T13:17:00.004-04:00

To me, the cable network Bravo can do no wrong. I'll gladly watch nearly any reality show they produce. My current obsession is The Real Housewives Of New York. From the bawdy and gaudy Ramona to the always cool as a cucumber The Countess, these women have me transfixed. Of all the women, I can most relate to Bethenny. She's in her 30s, in a relationship (well after last night, who knows if that's still true) but not yet married and clawing her way up a career path. She's also so damn familiar looking...

It's been nagging me where I know Bethenny from. I don't live on the Upper East Side, so it's unlikely I'd bump into her running errands. While she's connected with people in the fashion industry, she's a chef, so it's unlikely we'd cross paths professionally. Yet, I know I know her from somewhere.

I was one of the handful of people who actually watched Martha Stewart's The Apprentice. Turns out, Bethenny was a contestant. She made it to the finale but was brushed off by the Martha for "showing disrespect to her subordinates, for being a show-off, and having excessive need to make physical impressions." She was also apparently a little too rough around the edges and dare I say it: a little too New York.

And I, apparently, watch too much reality TV.

Seriously, I Attended The Auto Show - Part I How To Say Silver In Six Ways

2008-04-01T21:14:00.009-04:00

I should state upfront, I don't drive. In fact, I don't have a valid driver's licence. I gave it up in 1999 when I realized the to date one car I'd ever owned was nothing but a money sucking inconvenience. I knew I was moving to New York City and this was no place to pony up for the privilege to escape. Not when there's planes, trains, cabs, buses, livery drivers and the subway to get a girl wherever she needed to go.

Yet, having owned and mastered a little stick shift VW, I have a deep respect and almost pathological lust for anything six cylinder or above. Heck, even hybrids can get my motor running. (Sorry, that is the last auto cliche I promise).

When the Manfriend's brother invited me to the annual auto porn show at the Javits Center, of course, I jumped at the opportunity.

I was not disappointed.

First up: I learn how to say grey in six ways. Having not shopped for a car in over a decade, I wasn't sure if the wall in front of me was a sculpture or a chinese menu. Turns out it was a bit of both.

Let's say I want a grey car. I'm lucky to have many choices. Should you be put in the position to ponder what the fuck the difference between Silver Birch, Smokestone or Silver is, there's helpful little painted balls to show you the intricacies of all the options.

Clearly, something called Vapor Silver is the way to go. Although, Tungsten Grey has quite the ring to it...

"Rain, Rain, Go Away...

2008-03-31T15:17:00.006-04:00

...come again another day" is likely what the clubhouse was singing as the home opener at the very last season in Yankee Stadium (how many times are we gonna hear that one this season) was called earlier today. So long as Mother Nature cooperates, the Bombers will kick off the season tomorrow night.

Go Yanks!

Friday Funnies

2008-03-28T13:36:00.000-04:00

Only in NY kids.

Thx Dana

This Has To Be The Most Absurd Ad I've Ever Seen

2008-03-22T10:58:00.006-04:00

Flipping through a recent issue of Yachting Magazine to check on the positioning of one of my brands' ads, I came across this gem:

Seriously, there is so much that's WRONG with this ad, it's hard to figure out just where to begin. My favorite part? Nope, not the fact that this woman is doing a swan dive off of the back of the yacht. It's not even that she's barefoot and donning designer duds that would likely set me back a paycheck.

It's the tagline that gets me in the funny bone:

I want whatever this creative team was smoking.

Tee Hee

2008-03-22T10:47:00.003-04:00

A block away from my office is an "alternative" high school. Strolling to Steak Frites on Varick this week, I came upon this little bit of vandalism right outside its entrance:

Let's take a closer look, shall we?

Nice to see the West Village hasn't completely lost it's identity.

(And yes, upon seeing this I giggled like a school girl.)

Your St. Patty's Day Pot Of Gold

2008-03-17T11:41:00.001-04:00

It'll take a few pints of Guiness to erase that vision from your mind, I know. Just stick with the good stuff and leave the green beer to the frat boys, dear readers.

Thx Hoobie!

It's March 14th. And you know what that means...

2008-03-14T11:22:00.003-04:00

Um, Welcome Governor...Paterson?

2008-03-10T23:15:00.009-04:00

I could register nothing but shock and disbelief when the news broke today about my favorite man up in Albany. Spitzer, in a prostitution ring bust? You've got to be fucking kidding me...

Sadly, quicker than you can say Ripped From The Headlines, I'd bet any reader $20 we'll be seeing an eerily similar "Special Hour" of Law & Order headed our way soon depicting a cocky stream roller of a Governor busted in a salacious sex scandal tried in Gotham City within months.

I'll leave the talking heads and upcoming undoubtedly ridiculously campy New York Post covers to lambaste Spitzer's character and scream about the hypocrisy of the situation. No, I'll just sum it up in five little words:

Elliot, you broke my heart.

Instead, let's turn our attention to the inevitable. Bring on the new Gov, David Paterson! In a few firsts for the state, Paterson is a blind African American from Harlem. Patterson's wit, intelligence and compassion made him the perfect compliment to Elliot's brash, judgemental and uncompromising ways to many in Albany. One can only hope those qualities can outshine the ensuing chaos and personally, I'm looking forward to learning more about my (for now) Lieutenant Governor.

More importantly, hey Bloomberg, whatchu got planned for, say, 2010-2018? How about eight more years of bringing stability to the state, having of course the city's best interests at heart? Just a suggestion...

Cooler Heads Prevailed

2008-03-01T18:16:00.006-05:00

In catching up with a girlfriend I hadn't had the pleasure of seeing in quite some time, we had a star sighting at Frankies, the little joint two doors down from my apartment. Mr Paul Giamatti himself.

It took every once of control I had to not act on my instinct and send him a glass of Merlot.

You're welcome, Paul.

Consider Yourself Warned

2008-02-26T12:29:00.005-05:00

At approximately 5:30pm today, all US Starbucks stores will close for three hours for employee training.

According to a spokeswhore, the training "would foster enthusiasm in its 135,000 U.S. employees and improve the quality of drinks made by Starbucks baristas."

Not one to shy away from a great opportunity, Dunkin' Donuts, "to ensure that no coffee lover is denied a delicious espresso-based beverage," will be offering lattes, espressos and cappuccinos for a buck.

Drink up!

Yay! Snow! Yay!

2008-02-22T16:26:00.008-05:00

The text awaiting me this morning from the Manfriend was an ecstatic proclamation that the school he teaches at had called a Snow Day. No two words in the English language can create such joy and mirth as "Snow Day" to children and apparently, those who educate them. My company had issued no such decree so I sloshed my way to work like everyone else unlucky enough to have to clock in.

Around noon, two new words brought out my giddy inner child via a message from HR. The email's subject line said "Emergency Closing". That's right, the agency was officially closing at 2pm and ordering everyone out so we could safely make it home. I practically skipped in my wellies to the subway.

I always love seeing the neighborhood blanketed in snow. To me, there's nothing more beautiful than brownstones on a winter day. Here's a few shots I took on Second Place:

The second brownstone in from the Carroll Street station exit on Second Place, has really unique foliage in the front yard. I've no idea what these plants are, but they always seem more suited for somewhere in Florida than in Carroll Gardens. I love this shot of them all nestled in snow.

I'm also a big fan of the above yard a few doors down from the Florida Brownstone. The owners of this brownstone keep the yard pristine. Immaculate even. The grass is manicured to perfection and greener than any competitor on the block, even in the winter. I've always admired the cherubic fountain pictured above, even more so in this weather.

I'm also a HUGE fan of this hot mess at the end of the block. Clearly for very different reasons. It's difficult to detect the sheer amount of crap the insane owners wedge into their 6x9 plot. Since moving to the hood nine years ago, I'm always delighted to see what new flamingos or gnomes await. Come Christmastime, not only does a three foot tall Santa in his sled and eight reindeer join the fray, but so do Tin Soldiers, candy canes and, I shit you not, a full on manger scene complete with Joseph, Mary and baby Jesus.

Last, but not least, we come to the Social Club on my corner. I've been fascinated with this club and the grandpas who are members (Well, except for you Frankie, you dirty old man!). It's always beautiful to me, no matter the weather or season.

I'm now going out to play in the snow while it's still around. I suggest you do the same.

The F Train Follies - Puking Edition

2008-02-20T21:53:00.010-05:00

To borrow the opening line from one of my favorite books, tonight was the best of times, it was the worst of times.

I had a work function at Cipriani on 42nd Street. One of my brands was a sponsor of an annual modeling event. As my management and I chatted up a few of our favorite clients, an invitation was extended to be their guest at the annual 'to-do' in Switzerland in early April. I was in shock when they insisted I come as their guest as this is an invitation I'd been coveting for a couple of years now.

Giddy with excitement and pondering where I'd go shopping for a suitable cocktail dress for the high-end dinner that would be awaiting me in Geneva, I opted to take the subway home (and save a few precious pennies for said cocktail dress). Herewith ends the Best Of Times scenario, as most blog posts featuring the NYC Subway system do.

This time, though, I cannot entirely blame the MTA. True, something was a rye on the F line as I had to wait a half hour for a packed train to arrive at Broadway/Lafayette. No, our misery begins with the packed car stopping at Second Avenue upon which the masses squeezed thier way on. I was crammed near the left-hand mid-car door when a 20something girl in a fuchsia parka slithered her way to my immediate left.

By the time we crawled one stop closer to Brooklyn at Delancy Street, I noticed girlfriend wasn't at the top of her game. Out of the corner of my eye I could see her beginning to slouch, rest her head on her extended left arm. Yet, it was the sighs that really tipped me off.

As we approached East Broadway, only one thought crossed my mind: What would I do if this girl suddenly began to puke. And just then....she did.

All over me, the girl next to me, the girl sitting down in the seat we were pressed up against and on the girl to her immediate right. It was like one of those dancing fountains outside the Bellagio in Vegas. Unfortunately for her, the girl to my immediate right got the brunt of it. As she "Oyed!", I turned to the cause of our shock. Fuchsia Coat hadn't said a word. Her eyes were half closed. She just stood there. So I asked her, "Are you OK?" at which she did a little half turn and exited the car just as the doors closed at East Broadway.

A good Samaritan gave us all some Kleenex to dab away the damage. I pointed out to my fellow victims that it could have been a helluva lot worse - the evidence proved Fuchsia Coat didn't have much of a dinner. We all handled it as well as we could and bid each other good luck with our coats at Jay Street where a hoard of unsuspecting passengers separated us and the space we were quick to vanquish.

So, to Fuchsia Coat, I sincerely hope you made it home ok. And to my fellow victims, I hope you, too, have a great dry cleaner.

Best In Show

2008-02-12T22:36:00.008-05:00

I get sucked into the Westminster Kennel Dog Show each year. Besides rooting for my beloved pugs, I'm in awe of the amazing variety of dogs romping about Madison Square Garden. Especially the insanely groomed and er, rather unique looking breeds (click here for Bill Cosby's winning Best In (freak)Show - 2007).

This year will not see a Pug King/Queen. But I'm confident the below clip prooves who's really master...

UPDATE: Uno, the beagle, just won Best In Show at Westminster. MK at Dlisted.com, you complete me. Thanks for the shoutout that made this hot bitch (with balls) the Hot Slut Of The Day!!!

One Outta Three Ain't Bad

2008-02-12T20:10:00.001-05:00

The last few times Accuweather forcast snow, well, let's just say their inaccuracy was off the radar. Imagine my surprise during lunch when I stepped out to an actual snowfall. No worries, I thought, as I carefully and quickly manuevered to and fro my favorite lunch spot in my new suede knee-high Calvin Klein wedge-heeled boots. The snow squall was bound to pass soon, like the freak bursts The Manfriend and I encountered on Sunday passing over the Brooklyn Bridge.

The sidewalks greeting me in the West Village when I left work told a different story. Not wanting to ruin my new CKs, I searched under my desk for a replacement footwear option. Shoes accumulate under my desk like mad. I always keep a pair of flip flops handy for the forgotten mani/peddie lunch appointment and since 9/11, there's always some sort of a comfortable shoe I can walk the few miles home in if need be. Since I've made it through the crunch of Planning Season (much like accountants have late night after late night during tax season, media professionals have a similar hell that lasts a couple of months), I've been cleaning up my office and get back to some sense of order by purging wayward magazines, forgotton holiday rep gifts and the sea of shoes collecting dust under the desk. Just the night before, in fact, I brought home my gym shoes and wellies.

Unfortuntately, my only remaining options to commute home in were a pair of red leather Marc Jacobs boots, beforementioned flipflops or black leather four inch stacked wood wedge heels. I opted for the heels and slowly (oh so slowly!) made my way through the unshoveled sidewalks of the West Village to the F train and to my apartment in Carroll Gardens.

There were only a handful of storefronts in either the Village or Brooklyn that saw fit to shovel their sidewalks. When I passed 3rd Place (which by the way was quite beautiful - it's amazing how a layering of snow can completely transform the city's look) I knew I was home free.

Third Place, Brooklyn

And the shoes? They'll soon dry. According to Accuweather, we're in for a warm up. Which means the shoes will likely return to their comrades under my desk within days.

Deathwatch 2008: You're Gonna Need A Bigger Boat

2008-02-11T14:13:00.001-05:00

Best known and loved for his role as Amity Police Chief Martin Brody in the Jaws film series, Roy Scheider has passed away. According to the AP, he'd been treated for multiple myeloma for 2 years.

Scheider was seventy five years old.

Oh Hell Yeah!

2008-02-04T09:19:00.000-05:00

Against all odds, Big Blue delivered last night. The screams coming from both within the Manfriend's apartment and surrounding vicinity were deafening as Bellicheck scurried off to the locker room like a feild mouse.

Eli, you truly did put on that Superman cape. Congrats on the MVP award. You earned it (and hopefully have shut up the haters for good).

Guess all that's left is to ask the Bossman for tomorrow off so I can stake my place downtown beneath the ticker-tape...

Eli, Put On Your Superman Cape

2008-01-26T17:30:00.000-05:00

In light of the fact there will be no football tomorrow, enjoy this little diddy embraced by the folks of Gotham City.

Go Big Blue!

Thank You, Wall Street Journal

2008-01-25T13:49:00.000-05:00

For the past couple of days I've been a little confused.

Tracking the updates on CNN, I was happy to learn the kids down in DC decided to play nice and work together to give a little spending money back to Americans in hopes of stimulating the economy. A figure of $600 was thrown around as the amount most individuals would receive. Offspring would earn 'rents an additional $300 per spawn.

The set income cap determining your ability to qualify for the rebate is what made me unsure of whether I'd have the chance to mull over paying down some debt or treating myself to a little bit of pampering.

The qualifying income cap thrown around a few times was $75K. What was a little murky was if an individual earned more than this amount whether they'd get a rebate or not. More often than not, the news sites I was reading claimed over $75K yields nada.

I come from pretty humble beginnings, so I completely emphasize and agree with issuing the checks to families earning under $75K and know what a difference the rebates would mean.

Not to pat myself on the back, but since graduating in '99 from college, I've busted my ass to claw my way up to lower middle management. (ha!) In doing so, I will be reporting just around the cap in my 2007 Form 1040. I was resigned to the fact that I wouldn't be getting a dime. Which sucks, because I live in New York City. Alone.

Which means that more often than not, my hard working ass is broke after scraping together rent that's more than most flyover state's average mortgage and car payments combined, the monthly raping from Time Warner to just get your basic digital cable and broadband internet access, the triple slam of Fed, State and NYC taxes with each paycheck and all the other trappings of living an adult life.

But ah! Finally, the rhetoric has been made plain and simple with the above chart published in today's WSJ. I still may end up with a little something to donate to the good folks at Sallie Mae (Two more years and those student loan payments will finally be a thing of the past!).

Now if I can only just figure out what my 'adjusted gross income' is...

Eww!

2008-01-11T12:25:00.000-05:00

Imagine you've finally found the love of your life. You have so much in common including taste in music, phobias, career choices. Heck, you even both named your dog Toy! You often find yourselves finishing one another's sentences and it's like you can FEEL when something's happening to your soul mate.

Ah, love...

The blessed day of your wedding comes and passes. Then, you get an odd query from the government. The results of your blood test came back with a bit of unusual information.

Your DNA and that of your soul mate matches. Your soul mate is your biological twin.

...

This is exactly what happened to a British set of twins who were separated at birth and happened to meet and inevitably fall in love later in life. Their marriage has since been annulled, but the psychological damage has likely maimed the two for life.

Luquer Street Strikes Again

2008-01-07T09:22:00.001-05:00

After November's Punch Prius game netted the Manfriend $5K in damage, I thought he'd stay away from Luquer Street when visiting. But lo, on Saturday, he once again parked outside the St. Mary's Star Of The Sea Rectory before settling in for a relaxing evening of homemade risotto and the NFL Playoffs.

Yesterday, we were running late for a family function back in Jersey. As he went to put our respective overnight bags in the trunk, both of us got a start. He from a flippant canine owner who had refused to curb their (apparently large-sized) dog and I from recognizing the tell tale signs that we would once again need to summon NY's Finest from the 76th Precinct upon viewing the Prius' smashed in passenger seat window.

It must have been kids out for a prank, as although the glove compartment and center consoles were rummaged through, nothing appeared to be taken (including the camcorder in the back seat). While the Manfriend furiously scrapped away the feces from his right shoe and cursed the neighborhood, I calmly called 911.

Ironically, the male partner of the 5-0 duo who arrived at the scene said that just the day before, the same thing had happened to him, however his pranksters got off with a brand new GPS system.

We then drove, windowless, out to the burbs in Jersey. (Who knew driving at the speed limit on Route 3 with one window completely down/out would elicit such trauma on the ear drums? Seriously, they were 'popping' like we were riding an express elevator up and down.)

I'm not sure when and if the oft-injured Prius will make a return to Brooklyn.

Once Again The Post Delivers

2008-01-04T12:27:00.000-05:00

What it (many times) lacks in journalistic credibility and neutrality, the NY Post more than makes up for with its ingenious photo shopped covers as evident with today's Democratic marathon running bobble head contenders.

Nice legs, Hil.

(God only knows what Edwards was doing when that facial shot was taken.)

Iowa's only the start of the primary blitz to come, but I'm counting on you NY Post to keep us entertained throughout.

Welcome Back, Dave!

2008-01-02T20:55:00.001-05:00

Of all the Late Night hosts returning this week, I've been salivating most for my man Letterman. Tonight, he's going to kick it off in true Dave style with a snarky welcome back from Hillary Clinton and guest Robin Williams. Oh, and Letterman's sporting a grey grizzly beard.

I can't wait to tune in as my nights just haven't been the same without you, Dave.

Happy New Year Coney Island Style

2008-01-01T19:30:00.000-05:00

A few hundred brave soles took the annual Polar Bear New Years plunge in the frigid Atlantic off the Coney Island coast this morning. The daring dip isn't just for bragging rights. Club President, Louis Scarscella announced the group raised nearly $30,000 for seriously ill children(and their parents) to attend Camp Sunshine in Maine.

Way to go you crazy kids!

Source: 1010wins

You Couldn't Pay Me To Do It....Again

2007-12-31T06:19:00.001-05:00

Twelve years ago tonight, when I was but a wee Freshman in college (Jesus, has it really been that long?), I did something utterly stupid and yet, incredible. A once in a lifetime kind of thing. As in, no way in hell would I ever do it again.

I 'did' Times Square on New Years Eve.

Normally I avoid that stretch of the city like The Plague. Unless there's orchestra seats involved, you won't find me within a ten block radius of Dante's eighth layer of inferno. Back then though, my love affair with New York was still in it's courting phase and I seized upon any opportunity to discover more about where I would come to call home.

From the moment we stepped outside Penn Station and pushed our way through the throngs of tripping Phisheads (Phish used to have a lock on the annual Madison Square Garden New Year's Eve show. FYI, Chris Rock is this year's headlining act.), I knew we were in for a wild ride. Realizing there was no better way to make it to the ball dropping than by hoofing it, we stocked up on 40s purchased with fake IDs and claimed our spot in the street just outside the barricade that surrounded the 'official' Times Square Rocking New Year's Eve.

Back then, I had no idea where I was. I'm pretty sure it must have been between Broadway and Sixth Avenue around 40th Street. When we first got there, our group spread out on the pavement like we were at a picnic. There were drinking games and all the usual college festivities (read: drugs). We made friends with newcomers and counted down the hours until the real fun was to begin.

Fast forward to about 11:15 or so. Our group is now crammed up against one another and swaying with the crowd. People are pissing where they are standing or against any building or semblance of cover they can find (damn those 40s) as all the surrounding businesses smartly shuttered their doors and pulled down the metal guards. Bottles were flying through the air and what cops were visible were trying, in vain, to coax a couple of jerk offs down from the roof of some poor fool's car.

It was chaos. Insanity. Incredible. I loved every minute of it.

I wasn't even sure we'd know when the ball itself was dropping as we didn't have a clear vantage point of the main area. In fact, at that point, I didn't even know WHERE Time's Square was. But all of a sudden, the chaos transitioned into elation. The sway of the crowd began moving in tempo with Auld Lang Syne which thousands and thousands of people were now singing along to. Total strangers were hugging and kissing. Everyone was ecstatic. I've never felt a surge of kinship like that.

Not even a minute later, chaos returned. Angrier, uglier and more brutal this time. Now, you had thousands and thousands of pissed off people trying to get out of a tiny space. People were drunk, had to pee, didn't know where they were going. Cops were suddenly everywhere and pretty briskly going about their business.

We ended up dancing the night away at Phoebe's in the Village.

Every year since, I cringe when I see the shots of Times Square. Well, cringe then smile. But no. You couldn't pay me to do it again.

Deathwatch 2007: Smoke Em If You've Got Em

2007-12-31T05:50:00.000-05:00

As of Wednesday, if you're caught lighting up in a Paris Cafe, it'll cost you 450 Euros (about $660 with today's exchange rate). France, where one in five residents is a smoker, is extending the legislation introduced in February of this year banning smoking in hospitals, schools, airports and public workplaces to essentially what we have in New York now: No smoking indoors anywhere.

As a smoker myself (who's been half assed toying with the idea of quitting for some time now), I wasn't sure how I'd react when Bloomberg instilled our city's ban back in 2002. I have to say though, I'm thankful he did. I think back now to where you could smoke and wonder what the hell were they thinking? It's so much nicer to go out at night and not have to breathe through a cloud of haze (makes nursing a hangover the next day that much easier, too). And restaurants? My God...world of difference.

So you go outside for a smoke. No biggie.

Ireland, of all places, had the next big banning announcement. If the Irish can do it, we bloody well could was Britian's answer earlier this summer (ironically the day this smoker arrived in Merry Ole England for a vacation). Italy, Spain and Belgium have also instituted bans.

So to France, you're in good company. Embrace the ban. It truly will make life better. Oui, oui.

Pug vs Peacock

2007-12-13T17:15:00.000-05:00

With how shitty the weather is outside, I figured a little cuteness/faux horror vignette was in order.

Enjoy!

Don't Say I Never Gave You Anything

2007-12-12T12:23:00.000-05:00

Just in time for Christmas, Jet magazine gives the greatest gift of all - MJ in all his gold glory. I'd say it scores tops on the Photoshop Awards list, but neither you nor I have the time to detail all the air brushing techniques in this shot.

Try not to be blinded by this most hot beauty.

What Is Get Well Soon, Alex

2007-12-11T19:00:00.001-05:00

You can now add Jeopardy as one more show that will be on rerun until well into the new year. No, its writers aren't also on strike, it's just Alex's heart that needs some R&R.

Admittedly, I can remember when Alex Trebek looked like the above. I practically grew up with the show and still tune in from time to time. So when I read tonight on CNN that he'd had a heart attack, I was concerned.

Not to worry, it was a 'minor' heart attack and Trebek is resting well at a hospital in Los Angeles. He is expected to recover quickly and resume taping in the new year. I can only hope some old school episodes reair during the hiatus. If only to see more classic moments like this:

God Bless Texas

2007-12-01T11:15:00.000-05:00

It's no Dick Cheney says to read this magazine or I'll shoot you in the face. Nor is it 63 Tacos to eat before you die. But, once again, Texas Monthly pulls off a cover like no other mag could.

Mmmm, steak.

Bumpwatch 2007: That Ain't No Genie In Your Bottle

2007-11-28T15:38:00.000-05:00

The January issue of Marie Claire features Christina Aguilera in all her reproductive glory. Demi Moore's Vanity Fair cover is isn't. But it sure is a helluva lot better than Britney's bazaar Bazaar cover.

Oh Marc, Say It Isn't So

2007-11-28T13:33:00.000-05:00

Apparently the newly blue hued locks, posing nude in Out and his on-again/off-again/on-again love affair with boy toy Jason Preston aren't the only recent brainfarts of Marc Jacobs. Rumored for months and officially announced today, is the cringe-worthy news that Victoria Beckham, aka She of the Robot Tits, will star in this Spring's Marc Jacobs campaign.

Vuitton would have been the better choice but who are we to decipher MJ's inner workings. This is the man who single handily created Grunge, appalled the industry by sending an "Attack of the Pod People" down the runway a couple of years back - which in turn begot the voluminous fashions gracing every female retail outlet for the past four seasons and has managed to charm and delight Anna Wintour for half of my life.

But Posh? Seriously? I don't want to like her, Marc. I have refused to buy into her campaign to be THE IT GIRL in America. I don't even lust after her lust worthy hubby.

If she's your new muse, I'm not so sure I can continue buying into (and acquiring far more than I can afford) the irreverent attitude the Marc Jacobs line has represented. I hung with you through the whole almost-bordering-on-creepy Dakota ads, but this...this may just be too much.

For now I'll keep mum until the ads are inevitably leaked, but consider yourself warned.

Thank You, Genius Bar

2007-11-25T14:41:00.000-05:00

About a week and a half ago, I popped in my eleven month old ipod's FSB cord to my VAIO to charge it for a trip to the Man Friend's in Jersey to no avail. No message. Nothing but a dead black screen. A few tries later it finally gave me the dreaded sad sack face and informed me "Please wait. Very Low Battery."

Ok, no problem. This had happened a few times before when it accidently turned on in my purse, etc. An hour later I left my apartment ipodless, my little guy still hooked up to charge. Upon returning a day later, the same very low battery message mocked me. This continued all weekend and again when I hooked the little guy up to my work computer.

Uh-oh. I'd lived this scenario before when my previous ipod decided to commit suicide for seemingly no reason other than to barely outlive my warranty and once again line Steve Jobs' pockets as I cannot imaging surviving in NYC without one of these little machines.

The timing couldn't have been worse as the Thanksgiving holiday was upon us and this meant me schlepping around the tri-state area. After a visit to the SoHo store, on Wednesday, it was determined the earliest I could get an appointment at the Genius Bar (where the employees would undoubtedly tell me what I already knew - my ipod was dead) wouldn't be until Saturday.

Realizing on Friday I'd be spending the night in Jersey, I logged on to apple.com and switched my appointment to the Parumus Mall for the following afternoon. How much less chaotic than the SoHo store! In less than 20 minutes, I walked out of the store with a brand spanking new 30G video ipod (free of charge and no questions asked) that synced with my itunes at home within minutes.

No muss. No fuss.

A sincere thank you, Apple.

For The Men In Your Life

2007-11-19T14:10:00.000-05:00

Get there while the getting's good. Lots of jackets, leather goods, sunglasses, watches, dress shirts, tie clips and cuff links were left after my trip to the dunhill employee sale this morning.

If it wasn't for the Eurotrash dude holding up the line by putting 'a couple of thousand dollars on this card and three thousand on that one and five thousand on this one...' there would likely be a lot more inventory to get your shop on with. Seriously, I think he was starting his own boutique!

Don't let the fact that it's an employee sale concern you. It's not like they're checking IDs on the way in.

Happy Shopping,

Pope Benny's Coming!

2007-11-12T13:42:00.000-05:00

Next April, my favorite Prada wearing Pontiff will be visiting the Big Apple to speak to the UN, pay respects at Ground Zero and the like. The most important event on his itinery will come on April 20th (now now, keep your 4:20 jokes to yourselves...) when he celebrates Mass at Yankee Stadium.

As any fan will agree, after all the shakeups in the past couple of months (and lack of rings since 2000), it couldn't hurt to have the holiest of holies bless the joint with his presence at the start of the season. While he's at it, can he shake a little holy water on the construction site next door?

The F Train Follies: Say Wha?

2007-11-12T12:40:00.000-05:00

Sadly, this may be the best option for F train riders once the elevated Culver Viaduct at Smith/9th is closed for the better part of 2010...

Thx NYMag!

Punch Prius

2007-11-07T23:15:00.000-05:00

I'm a big fan of playing that throwback game Punch Buggy. Since VW re-released the updated version of the popular car back in 1998, I've been able to wallop on innocent (and often annoyed) companions in earnest. Based on this past Tuesday's events I'm considering updating the game to Punch Prius.

The Rules:

1. Once arriving at your girlfriend's block, park your eco-friendly ride on a relatively quiet side street in Brownstone Brooklyn, preferably near a rumored to be not entirely legal construction site discovered after being the unfortunate recipient of a few too many alternate side parking tickets

2. Pay no mind to the mega-dumpster parked outside said rumored to be not entirely legal construction site as the thing's been butting out into the road for months.

3. Be gleeful you've the artfully planned a day off from work (cough, cough...I'm not feeling too well...) and can sleep in late.

4. The next morning, momentarily question your parallel parking skills when upon approaching your ride you find it now at a 30 degree angle hopped up on the sidewalk, its right headlight hugging the tree outside St. Mary Star of the Sea Roman Catholic Church's Rectory.

5. Note the proximity of the Prius to the megadumpster and how someone had to be flying down the road, see the dumpster too late and in turn ram into your car hard enough to do this damage.

6. Notice the left back end's now eerie resemblance to the crumpled bodywork of "Greased Lighting" after the pivotal drag race.

7. Collect no less than a fistful of body shop and tow truck cards, tsk-tsks, pity and advice from every passerby, the 76 Precinct's seemingly entire roster of on-duty officers and top brass stopping by yet wait 45 minutes for an angelic traffic officer in one of those johnny scooter things to arrive with the actual paper work whilst becoming the object of the entire neighborhood's gossip circle that morning.

8. Wait another two hours for Geico to send a flat bed tow truck from Bay Ridge to drag your mangled wreck back to the Toyota dealership in Jersey (added value: hitching a free ride)

9. Realizing your "sick day" ended up costing you your car and insurance deductible but ultimately showed a neighborhood's concern and caring (well, except for that one anonymous asshole who was behind the hit and run at 4:30am): Priceless

Punch Prius. It's what all the cool kids will be doing.

My Favorite Halloween Gaud

2007-10-31T12:58:00.000-04:00

Ever since the Manfriend and I began our long distance relationship (he lives across the Hudson in Jersey), I've been able to observe Suburban Life. One thing that particularly tickles my funny bone is the ornate and increasingly idiotic ways people decorate their lawns. Don't get me wrong, I've seen all kinds of crap crammed into the the 10x12 lots my fellow Brooklynites call front yards, but the lawns of this particular part of Jersey continue to amaze me.

Granted, some homeowners have clearly taken pride in doing up their yards with beautiful mums, scarecrows and plump pumpkins resting on stacks of hay. And then there's just plain tackiness. I'm talking about those people who smother every form of landscaping with that horrid green or black faux spiderweb stuff. Also, when did the dangly icicle Christmas lights mutate for other seasons?

But I save my utter disdain for the worst of the suburban decorating set, and I use that term loosely. I'm speaking of course about those lazy homeowners who deem it appropriate to throw some 6x4 blowup character on their lawn and call it a day. When I first saw these appear circa the Christmas of '00, I knew in my gut the damn things would be taking over otherwise respectable looking communities for which a driver's licence is mandatory for survival.

Upon spotting one of these hideous incarnations, I point with glee from the passenger seat of Manfriend's hybrid. The spiders are just stupid. The witch, mummy and vampire squished into a pumpkin doesn't get my fur up like the giant gaudy Shreks, but I save outright laughter for the mentally deranged product at the top of this post: Elmo hugging a pumpkin stack.

It's genius lies in it's simplicity and resourcefulness. I mean come on, could it be any more obvious how the damn thing was invented? Some factory spit out a deformed batch of Elmo/Snowman figures and the brains of the operation had himself an aha! moment: Lets just dye 'em orange and smack some silly jacko-smiles on each ball creating a whole new product for Halloween. The executives at Wal-Mart will love 'em!

While I've only spotted two to date, I practically make the Manfriend stalk the streets they're on and have made a mental note of the addresses. Why? Christmas is right around the corner! I am dying to know if they have the matching originals. Care to bet?

Get Your Shop On

2007-10-30T19:08:00.000-04:00

If you've an extra $2.7 Million bucks laying around, you'd better act fast. FOX has only between five to ten :30 spots left to sell in the annual NFL extravaganza Ad Age reported today.

The demand is so tight this early on due to the auto and movie industries who've gobbled up a huge chunk of coveted airtime. Oh, and the special value add of blowing one of my brands' annual budgets during a bathroom break? Sibling company My Space will be hawking endless promos urging viewers to log on/sign up to view longer edits and download coupons.

Jerseyites and 80s throwbacks will be happy to hear Bon Jovi is slated to preform a G rated Halftime set. Makes you miss the days of Wardrobe Malfunctions, no?

The F Train Follies

2007-10-24T13:31:00.000-04:00

The day I've been waiting for finally arrived.

MTA workers greeted commuters this morning at the Carroll Street turnstiles by handing out rider report cards for the F line. Since moving to the hood in 1999 I've often vented my frustration at the lack of service upgrades the MTA has offered residents of Carroll Gardens and the surrounding neighborhoods' booming population growth in emails to the MTA, petitioning my local politicians and bitching with fellow passengers. (OK that last one's not exactly being proactive) Finally, there's to be an official tally of public opinion.

Hopefully recent reports of bringing back the F Express being impossible until 2012 (at the very earliest) will be sped up via public outcry like the lucky L and 7 riders will soon enjoy.

Just a few more trains during rush hours, please! Or extend the V out to Church Ave or Kings Highway. Something. Anything.

Fellow F riders, click here and make your voice heard.

Happy riding,
Z.

Say Wha?

2007-10-24T13:19:00.000-04:00

At a recent campaign stop, die hard Yanks fan Rudy Giuliani sold out in an attempt to swing a few votes and said he'd be rooting for 'fellow American League" Red Sox in the upcoming World Series.

Ah Rudy, have you no self respect? Then again, I remember all too well what an asshat you were pre-9/11. Hopefully now the rest of the country catches on.

Click here for NYMag's take on the development.

Dumpwatch 2007: Torre Tells Georgieboy To Stuff His Offer Where The Sun Doesn't Shine

2007-10-18T16:37:00.003-04:00

After being left to twist in the wind, Torre slipped down to Tampa today and basically told Steinbrenner and Co. to fuck off, rejecting their $5MM one year deal (with bonuses for each round of playoffs secured) in the hour long meeting.

It's an end of an era to be sure. You gotta respect the guy for leaving with his dignity intact but the bench just won't be the same without him.

We'll miss you, Joe.

So Wrong On So Many Levels

2007-10-15T14:02:00.000-04:00

Juicy has a new line out for dogs. This is the marketing technique they are pinning revenue hopes on.

Wowza.

Congrats Big Al

2007-10-12T15:53:00.000-04:00

My morning routine incorporates WPLJ while showering. I nearly got soap in my eye when Patty, Scott and Todd started discussing Al Gore's Nobel Peace Prize today. I knew he was in the consideration set, but didn't think it would actually pan out.

What a year my man has had! OSCAR, EMMY and now this? Oh, if only our would/should-be Prez had the ambition to use this as a springboard to toss his hat into the Presidential Ring...

Alas, my money's on the Presidential Elect creating a new cabinet position, Secretary of the Environment, for which Big Al would be a shoe-in.

Congrats to my favorite former VP. Well earned and well deserved.

Deathwatch 2007: Don't Go In The Water

2007-10-09T20:58:00.000-04:00

May 16, 2006 - October 9, 2007

You may remember my delightful companion Jaws. For the past year and a half, he's started my mornings out right playfully dancing for his breakfast. He'd always show off for kitchen visitors by darting daredevil laps around his globe.

But last night's stressful and ultimately hopeless playoff loss seems to have broken the little guy's heart, for this morning I came upon a most unwelcome site. My Jaws didn't greet me with his usual twirling. In fact, he didn't so much greet me as lay at an unfathomable angle upside down at the top of his globe. In denial, I even tossed his morning food into the globe and hastily left him hopeful there was some mistake and upon my arrival this evening, he'd be his usual colorful self.

Alas, I've come to terms with my little friend's passing.

Adieu, sweet Jaws.

Thank you for making my mornings and homecomings that much merrier.

What's Bugging The Yanks?

2007-10-06T11:54:00.001-04:00

Swarms and swarms of midges descended on Jacobs Field during the eighth inning last night in Game 2 of the ALDS, creating a new set of Joba Rules.

Rule #1: Teamwork Makes The Dream Work

Posada, ever the dependable teammate, sprays down The Sandman.

Rule #2: Be Aggressive. B-E Aggressive. B-E AGG-R-E-S-S-I-V-E.

Um, ARod? Where exactly are you spraying to make him smile like that?

Rule #3: There's No "I" In Team

But as The Captain shows, there is a feeling of woe is ME

Rule #4: Always Keep Your Cool

Proving stressful situations don't phase him, Joba gets some TLC from the Ump before walking two, hitting a batter and making two wild pitches.

I'm expecting frogs falling from a sky full of Ebbets Field raised flying pigs if after the Yanks get the fuck outta Cleveland and come home, they don't take Game 3 in The Stadium tomorrow night while The Boss is in attendance.

Hey Yanks Fans,

2007-10-05T12:37:00.000-04:00

Anyone else feel they were watching Major League last night on TBS? Jesus fucking Christ!

At any point, I expected to see ARod throwing back shots of rum in a hopeful nod to Jobu while Torre purposefully pisses on his contract in front of George.

Nostrovia, Sputnik!

2007-10-04T06:42:00.001-04:00

Our Ruskie friends are celebrating a most monumental occasion today. Fifty years ago, Sputnik was launched into orbit marking the beginning of the space race and (somewhat) easing tensions in a developing Cold War between two superpowers by distracting them with a good natured competition. Ultimately, it was the U.S.A. who'd land a man on the Moon, but let's give credit where credit's due.

It should also be noted it was the Soviets who sent the first man into space, Yuri Gagarin, and carried out the first spacewalk. Of course we all know what came next - the bankruptcy of a corrupt and coroding form of government leading to the eventual collapse of the Soviet Union and their space program.

But things have been looking up lately and Russia has new ambitions to regain their status as a leader in aeronautics. In fact, the program's set a date for a Mars landing: 2020. And wouldn't that be something special - the Russians land a man on Mars the same year the MTA finally runs the first car up the Second Avenue Subway. Ahh, technology!

SHILOH STANDS!!!

2007-09-28T16:33:00.000-04:00

Not many things get my estrogen all in an uproar, but the lil' Joile-Pitts do it every time.

Angie took the Sexiest Baby Alive for a little doll shopping recently. Besides being memorized by the look of pure delight on Shiloh's face in the toy store, I noted the little lady is indeed growing up as she's standing on her own.

Collectively now, "Awe!"

Upon closer inspection, she remains a female Brad with Mommy's lips. It could be PMS, but the cuteness is almost unbearable.

Now please excuse me while throw myself into the hormone balancing act of selecting this week's NFL Suicide Pool Pick...

It's Hazing Time!

2007-09-25T17:29:00.000-04:00

The fratastic annual tradition of Yankees Rookie Hazing has struck gold. I mean who wouldn't love seeing Joba as the Cowardly Lion??? How's it stack up compared to years past?

A far better attempt than the lame-ass 2006 Steinbrenners:

Better use of a cross dressing than Wang's ridiculously cute Cheerleading 2005 class:

A more concise theme than 2004's gaggle of Elvi:

Much more thought clearly went into the Ozfest than Matsui's 2003 Pimps:

And poor Chancon is all I gotta say about this hot mess:

Unfortunately, the annual practice was not enstilled the year Oh Captain, My Captain was a rook (you know, as the late 90s winning dynasty came into fruition with it's first playoff run in ages), so here's a wee-Jeter for you instead:

Carry on, boys. Carry on!

Boys Will Be Boys

2007-09-15T17:27:00.000-04:00

When the producers screwed up my new favorite Weatherman Chris Allen's green screen, he reverted to classic adolescent form.

Dude's from Kentucky. Go figure.

Thx Dlisted!