Z. Madison

For when you're relaxing at home or killing company time - Z. Madison's here for you.

3.26.2006

Homeland Security's Putting It To The Evildoers Again


My new 9-5 has been more like 9am-10pm lately. One of the perks of working these extra hours is that my company supplies a car service for those that live out of the city. As the cab rides from Midtown to Brooklyn start to add up, (and it takes forever to get your expenses reimbursed) I've been taking full advantage of this rule.

Every night, once I hit the bend at 14th St by the Con Ed plant, the free flowing FDR suddenly comes to a complete stop and all the drivers get downright aggressive to inch their way to the Manhattan and Brooklyn Bridge exits. It's taken, on average, a half hour to go this quarter mile to the on ramp of my favorite NYC landmark.

Once you finally get onto the bridge, at the Manhattan Tower there's usually one or two police cruisers with lights on blocking the left lane. As you pass them, the Red Sea parts and it's no holds barred as all cars go from 5 mph to 70 within seconds.

No accident. No one pulled over. Nothing. Every single night for the past month, the same thing.

Apparently I'm not the only one who's been pondering the nightly clusterfuck. In today's Times City section, a reader asked the same question. It appears that the cops are purposely creating a traffic snarl to thwart terrorists. An Al-Queda operative cased out the bridge back in '02 and sent coded messages back to Osama & Co with a brilliant plan to blowtorch the suspension cables.

Homeland's response? Put a couple of your cruisers in the left hand lane with full on lights and flares. This will slow traffic down so you can keep an eye out for Spiderman with a blowtorch in his back pocket scaling the side of the 159 Ft. Manhattan Tower.

Chief Police Spokesman, Paul J. Browne admits "Protective measures under consideration may make the positioned vehicles unnecessary."

This is my tax money going to good use.

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