Z. Madison

For when you're relaxing at home or killing company time - Z. Madison's here for you.


Hey MTA - Suck On This!

Seriously, get involved. You've been around for more then a century now, MTA. I'm sure you've had a few heavy rainstorms in that time. You'd think that one of the hundreds of engineers you've employed over the years would be able to think of a way to drain the tunnels in case of a summer storm as to not shut down the entire fucking system for two hours, conveniently during rush hour.

3pm: The sky turns black. Rain is eminent.

3:15: The monsoon begins.

3:17: I've just realized I left my apartment windows open. FUCK.

4:15: Rain begins to taper off

4:20: International smoking time (sorry, couldn't help myself)

5:15: I escape from the my cube

5:25: I arrive at the 53rd St/Lexington Avenue station at Third Avenue and head down the stairs to find a clusterfuck of confusion outside the turnstiles: There's no E? The downtown 6 is running only to 42nd Street? What about the V? Can I get to Queens? What the motherfuckingfuck? Where's a bus I can take? And these were just the comments I overheard from the friendly and helpful folks wearing MTA uniforms and orange vests.

5:40: I finally make my way up to the window of the token booth to ask the guy enclosed in his glass cage what are my options. "What about the F? Is the F running from 63rd?" I yell out. "F? F? F? How am I supposed to know about the F? The V and E and 6 aren't running from this station" "I gotta get to Brooklyn - I take the V to the F" "F?" "Forget it - Jay St in Brooklyn. The E's not running you say, so what about the A or C from Times Square down to Jay St in Brooklyn?" (For the out of towners, Times Square is about 8 Avenues across town and 9 blocks south. Every 5 avenues or 10 blocks equals one mile. It's hot. And wet. And I'm in heels.) "Jay St - yeah, take an uptown 6 to 59th/Lex, transfer to a downtown N or R. Get out at at Jay Street and walk to the A." "But I thought the 6 wasn't running from this station?" "NEXT!"

5:57: I suck down a cigarette on the block walk to the 6 on Lex and 53rd, dodging all the commuters now trying uselessly to hail non existent cabs and make my way around the hundreds of people jostling in line for the packed buses. I walk down the stairs into the atrium with the turnstiles to the 6. FUCK. More mass confusion. I spot a reporter trying to be nonchalant with her cameraman. She's shoving her NBC Channel 4 microphone towards the two MTA employees stuck in the middle of a throng of passengers.

6:05: Suddenly a loudspeaker booms that THERE IS DOWNTOWN V SERVICE DOWNSTAIRS ON THE PLATFORM! I squeeze in a mad rush for the turnstiles and cram onto the escalator.

6:10: We arrive down below to what I can only imagine commuting in Tokyo or India is like. Bodies crammed everywhere. People trying to shove their way back up the escalator. Loud speaker booms again. THERE IS NO SERVICE AT ALL. I REPEAT, THERE IS NO SERVICE AT THIS STATION.

Mother fucker.

6:20: I arrive BACK up in the atrium and proceed to walk back to work to retrieve my sneakers I thought about taking when I originally left that are awaiting me under my desk.

6:45: Resigned, I decide to take a bus down 2nd Avenue to Houston, figuring the F might be running after all this time.

7:00: After letting 3 packed supersized M15 Limiteds drop off and pick up, I finally squeeze into the 4th.

7:36: I approach Houston and 2nd Ave. The lights are red on top of the station's staircase. Shit. Well, I've learned that this bus goes down to city hall and I can see if the A/C is running or worst comes to worst, walk over the damn (but beloved) bridge and home from there. As the bus turns the corner on 1st/Houston I spy green lights on top of that end of the station and take a risk.


7:45: For as much of a bitch as my commute was, I am rewarded with an E-list celebrity siting at Delancy. I peer to my right and catch the eye of a guy who looks familiar. Scanning my mental rolodex, I'm drawing blanks. Then it hits me - It's Miguel Morales from Top Chef!


7:55: I arrive at my final destination and head for the nearest wine shop to purchase some much needed Pinot Grigio.


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