The Hoff Sings!

(blogger's cockblocked me from inserting a hilarious pic of hasselhoff in a speedo...we'll try again tomorrow)

Reege put it to The Hoff within the first minute of America's Got Talent. The question on the lips of all Americans: Will The Hoff perform live tonight?

The Hoff: YES!

Bring it...

(You know he won't take the stage until 9:56)

Reege puts the pressure on early and calls three sets of losers to the stage to give them the big kiss off. [Side note, dear readers; I just love me some Reege. I was an intern for his daytime show back in the day. He and I would get stuck in the elevator and Regis was - dare I say it - cool. He didn't treat you like some lowly kid. Mr. Philbin (come on, I knew who's ass to kiss - it was always "Mr. Philbin") would make small talk and joke with you. I respected him for this then and still do. To me, he's the new Dick Clark. Reege is a personality that's been around since the 50s. A born and bred NYer, this Fighting Irish fan will be sorrowfully missed once he decides to hang up his on-air hat. Unfortunately, at 75, that day can't be too far. ]

Amateur hour. Seriously - a helium rendition of the Patsy Cline classic "Crazy"? Then again, it's better than most of the drunken karaoke screamfests I've had to suffer through...Ear Farting? Are you fucking kidding me? Thankfully, they got the little twat off the stage asap. Loveofgod it's a burping duet. My ears are bleeding.

9:22 - Agh! I would turn this crap off, but NBC could screw me and put The Hoff on early.

Tom Green is still in showbiz? Idiot sets himself on fire. "Burn motherfucker, BURN!" I inwardly chant. Sadly, he doesn't.

Cirqe de Sole then features some hulahooping big titted wonder in a skankier Hit Me Baby One More Time outfit. Yawn...

The Quick Change couple are likely making it through another round. Seriously, she's impressive. David Blaine take note - this act is real magic.

9:43...not long until The Hoff...

The annoying River Dance Family who bawled on national tv last night in response to a correct suggestion to lose the parents, beats out the savvy burlesque dancer who incorporated K.I.T. into her brilliant act that was deemed horrificly immorale. I take a moment to thank God I live in a 'blue state'.

So, it's coming down to the freaky version of the Van Trapps and the only woman in America that can change into ten different outfits within 90 seconds. If the men I've dated are any indication, I think America might lean toward the Quick Change couple, if only to harass their ladies to get-a-move-on-already on their the next Evening Out.

I've now suffered through 52 minutes of this crap. Bring on The Hoff already!

Fugly Van Trapps win out.

Oh well, it's finally Hofftime!

He makes his grand entrance by getting out of K.I.T. hahahhahahaha. Jump In The Car is the song he chose? Are you serious? Then again, it is Hoff we're talking about afterall. What are those German's thinking? While the voice itself isn't too bad, it's clear that he's lipsyncing. The judges are crying with laughter, as am I. Nice shirt I think between 'oh watch out blondie he's coming atcha' and 'come to think of it I'm pretty sure he wears more blush than I do'. Brandy's face is PRICELESS!!!

"Don't hassle the Hoffettes!" - hilarious verbal diarrhea care ofThe Hoff to wrap up the show.

(I'll actively be seeking the youtube, dear readers)