The F Train Follies

Dear readers, something's been in the air, literally, on the F train lately. The following are true retellings of my commute Monday evening and this morning:

Monday Evening Rush Hour Commute:
Just as the F is pulling into the Jay St. Station in Brooklyn, the car lurches and some woman's food goes flying into the middle of the car's floor. Now, the subway is never somewhere I feel the need to quench my appetite, but to each their own. The food was some sort of a BBQ dish all brown and gooey.

Did I mention it was currently residing on the floor of a nasty F train car that likely hadn't seen an industrial hosedown in quite some time?

Apparently this was not an issue for our fearless rider. The stout matron in a black suit proceeded to RETRIEVE her wayward meal from the FLOOR and continue to EAT IT. At seeing this, the man who was seated next to her got up in disgust and made a harrumph! noise as he walked to the next section of the car.

Her reaction to his judging her? Go absolutely apeshit, of course.

It began innocently enough with a few back and forths along the lines of "Are you going to pay for my meal then, Mr. Millionaire?" and quickly escalated into "I wouldn't sleep with you" and then unbelievably "I'D CUT OFF YOUR DICK MR MILLIONAIRE!!!".

Mind you all the rest of us riders are watching this scene with our mouths open and eyes bugged out. Unfortunately, at this moment, we pulled into my stop and I got off.

I wonder how the rest of the ride played out.

Wednesday Morning Rush Commute:
Not nearly as exciting as the crazy bbq bobbit lady, but a 'wtf' moment indeed...I'm running late this morning, per usual, and squeeze into the F train just as the doors are closing. Leaning against the door while reading my Metro, I notice a familiar odor. Ganja. At 8:45. On the F train. ??? I glance at the guy leaning next to me. 20something. I could see him doing a little wake and bake before work or school, but he looks a little too innocent. The smell grows thicker. Now my curiosity is perked. And then.......I see him. So tall his head is almost hitting the ceiling of the car, skinny black man sucking on a BLUNT. In the middle of the F train. At 8:45am. He ignored the various stares - some of disbelief others of anger and continued to saunter back and forth along the aisle of the car. When his blunt was finished, he casually entered the next car.

Wonder what will happen tonight, dear readers...