Even The Empire State Building's Getting Into An Olympic Spirit

I've been watching much more of the Olympic Games than I thought I would. My main tune-ins are for the human dolphin's run at gold medal history, gymnastics and a sport I never thought I'd care about - synchronized diving. Don't judge me on that last one because it's not that often I have the opportunity to see hot guys in tiny speedos flinging themselves about.

But back to the point of this post...

A very cool thing is happening about a hundred stories up from the corner of 5th Avenue and 34th Street. For the first time in history, the Empire State Building is using the light displays on all four sides independently. Throughout The Games, each side will be lit in the national flag colors of the top sixty-six nations competing, based on the number of athletes participating. The first and last nights of The Games will highlight the USA and China only.

It's quite the spectacle. If you have the chance, definitely check it out.

As I Wait For The Sweet Relief Of Violent Thunderstorms

Summer came early this year to the city. After four oppressively hot days, a batch of ferocious storms are headed our way. After their passing, the temperature should drop a good twenty degrees and we'll all be able to breathe a little bit easier.

Thankfully, half of the scorcher occurred over the weekend and I could ride it out in the relative comfort of a cranking A/C and the manfriend's brother's backyard pool. (God bless the 'burbs). Yet unlike the school children who got early releases or 'heat' days off, I had to schlep my way to and fro my 9-5 with the rest of the sweaty and suffering masses come Monday morning.

Suffer we did. As most seasoned city residents know, there is hell on earth. Hell can be found on the subway platforms any day the thermometer climbs above ninety. My summer subway survival kit always includes both a wooden/cloth fan I scored years ago in Chinatown and it's more technologically advanced electronic cousin. But these tools only dull the pain until the blessed relief of an air conditioned car's embrace. At least, most of the time this is how it goes.

Then there's the other times. If a train rolls into the station with every car packed but one, you know to avoid the empty one as it's going to be a roasting inferno. At least they're pretty easy to spot. Then there's the accidental fuck-ups. These are when you are either rushing to make the train or have already stepped into a populated car too far to pop back out when you realize why everyone is so miserable looking inside. There's. No. Fucking. A/C. And you're stuck until at least the next stop which, in typical MTA fashion, could be mere minutes or not. It's usually in these moments the MTA gods laugh at you and all types of random tunnel stops and 'switch problems' occur.

Out of the past couple of days, I've had luck on my side. Until six o'clock tonight, that is. In running an errand, I had to forgo my usual ride on the downtown F and instead found myself bounding onto an uptown 1's sauna. As I became a sticky mess, at least I could find humor in my ipod, which immediately random shuffled to Hot In The City by Billy Idol.

To the MTA, thank you. Six out of seven ain't bad.

Gothamist's On To Something

Most every NY blogger has rolled out the Bitching About Tourists post at some point. Yes, yes, they walk 3-5 arm deep on the narrowest of sidewalks on which they abruptly bump fannypacks stopping to gawk up at some building and in general annoy the fuck out of those of us just trying to get where we need to be going.

Yet truth be told they're as much a part of New York as, well...New Yorkers. I'll admit, I actually enjoy helping the helpless halfwits out. Not everyone can be a human OnStar, you know.

Bloomie and the city council are feeling the same way and recently launched an ad campaign speaking to the 'Rists. Here's some of their helpful hints:

1. Call 311 or (212) NEW-YORK for all information about the city.
2. Fifth Avenue divides Manhattan into the East Side and West Side.
3. When getting directions, always ask for the cross streets (i.e. 810 Seventh Avenue, between 52nd and 53rd Streets).
4. In Manhattan, if you walk 20 blocks north or south, you have walked one mile.
5. If the number on the top of the taxicab is lit, it means the cab is available.
6. It is customary to tip 15 to 20 percent to wait staff, bartenders and taxi drivers.
7. MetroCards work on both buses and subways, and transfers between the two are free.
8. Free wireless Internet is available at many public parks.
9. Many businesses, including pharmacies and delis, are open 24 hours.
10. Have a question about NYC? Just ask the locals, or to go to nycvisit.com.

Numbers 2, 3 and 5 should be mandatory welcome signs at any entry point to Manhattan but the rest I believe can be spruced up a bit. The folks over at Gothamist agree.

I'm not going to wade into the Fuck Them I'm A Fucking NYer Hatefest, but here's my suggestions:

1. Maps are your friends. Learn the layout of the place you're visiting, especially if it's a GRID.

2. Stay to the right - on stairs, escalators and sidewalk. Simply put, you're slower than us and road rage ain't got nothing on Pedestrian Pique.

3. You have every right to pay your respects downtown. Just don't ask me how to get to Ground Zero like it's an amusement park. And never phrase it as "Where's 9/11?" unless you really want your kids to hear some colorful colloquy.

4. Save you money, ladies. No one's going to believe that Katie Spade or Louis Wuitton is real anyway. Instead, after visiting Ground Zero, walk across the street to Century 21 or scout out Loehmanns in Chelsea.

Fellow NYers, feel free to add your suggestions in the comments section...