Z. Madison

For when you're relaxing at home or killing company time - Z. Madison's here for you.


Woo Hoo! A New Eatery Coming To The 'Hood...

New York mag, March 27:
After 24 years in two West Village locations, the cultishly beloved eatery Shopsin's is moving its legendary 900-odd-item menu and its Connect Four boards to Carroll Gardens in Brooklyn.

Daily News, March 30:
Shopsin's, the West Village diner made famous for its 900-item menu and odd rules, such as no more than four to a table, could be hauling its celeb-studded digs to Carroll Gardens.


For All You Flavor Of Love Fans...

Admit it, you were as sucked into this piece of trash as I was...The nicknames, the skeeze, the skanks, the Spit Heard Round The World...all the 'ladies' are back and Pumkin and NewYork are gonna go at it. It's so trasholicious I can barely contain myself. Can you?

Visit our friends at www.tmz.com for an 'exclusive clip'...

EXCLUSIVE FIRST LOOK: 'Flavor of Love: After the Lovin'

March 28, 2006 6:30PM ET

TMZ has obtained an exclusive clip of the VH1 reality special 'Flavor of Love: After the Lovin.'
The break-out hit series 'Flavor of Love' was one of VH1's highest rated ventures ever. Now Flavor Flav brings back all the girls to reunite for the first time.
The show will feature unfinished business between the ladies, including arch enemies Pumkin and New York, who come face-to-face for the first time since the "spitting incident" (oh you KNOW what we're talking about!).
The show airs April 2 at 8PM.


Favorite new "New Rule" by Bill Maher

New Rule: If "Today Show" host Katie Couric gets to become anchor of the "CBS Evening News," then Barney the Dinosaur gets to replace Mike Wallace on "60 Minutes." This way, everybody wins. CBS News gets a perky blond, and "60 Minutes" gets somebody younger.

You've Gotta Be Kidding Me

Let me preface by saying I own a cat - Venus. Ms V is a lovable and plump ball of furry fun. She spends her days lounging on one piece of furniture or another, sunning herself in the kitchen or keeping watch over the neighborhood from her windowsill in the living room. Occasionally she'll squawk at any pigeons that mock her from the safety of the fire escape on the other side of the glass. Other than eating me out of house and home, she's never been a problem. In fact, sometimes I wish I could have her lazy life.

Based on my years with Ms V, I found the below to be beyond hilarious and am now in dire need of seeing footage of the hellcat in action. Seriously, a protection order...Against a CAT???

(PS - the above pic is NOT Venus)
CT ResidentsTerrorized by Crazy Cat

Fairfield, CT (1010 WINS) -- Residents of the neighborhood of Sunset Circle say they have been terrorized by a crazy cat named Lewis.

Lewis for his part has been uniquely cited, personally issued a restraining order by the town's animal control officer.

``He looks like Felix the Cat and has six toes on each foot, each with a long claw,'' Janet Kettman, a neighbor said Monday. ``They are formidable weapons.''

The neighbors said those weapons, along with catlike stealth, have allowed Lewis to attack at least a half dozen people and ambush the Avon lady as she was getting out of her car.

Some of those who were bitten and scratched ended up seeking treatment at area hospitals.
Animal Control Officer Rachel Solveira placed a restraining order on him.

It was the first time such an action was taken against a cat in Fairfield.

In effect, Lewis is under house arrest, forbidden to leave his home.

Solveira also arrested the cat's owner, Ruth Cisero, charging her with failing to comply with the restraining order and reckless endangerment.

Starting It Up A Bit Early, Aren't You Boys?

One week before Opening Day, Bosox reliever Julian Tavarez punched Tampa Bay outfielder Joey Gathright in the jaw after a play at the plate.

The Benches and Bullpens cleared as both teams rushed the field in what looked like a scrumdown.

No injuries were reported.

Jeez guys, it's not even April yet...

PS - Boston Sucks. Go Yanks! :)


Deathwatch 2006

The mag that epitomized metrosexuality, will cease publication as of the May issue.

I had high hopes for this pub, but I must admit that I'm not completely surprised. Outside of NY, LA and Miami, I wasn't sure they'd find a strong enough audience. And at the same time this book was launched, Conde threw out Vitals (a high end version that eventually split into a female and male version before meeting it's own demise), Domino (a home version of Lucky) as well as tested the waters with Vogue Man. Shop Etc was launched by rival Hearst and the market, frankly, was overwhelmed with Shopping Zines.

At least subscribers will benefit - all Cargo subs will now receive GQ. Then again, with Conde's biz model, most Cargo readers probably received their first issue polybagged with GQ, or their girlfriend/wife's Lucky.


Elvis Fan Are All Shook Up And Dancing In Their Blue Suede Shoes

Graceland was just named a National Landmark.


Bumpwatch 2006 Update

Any second now, Katie's going to silently spawn a couch-jumping little scientoligist.

Homeland Security's Putting It To The Evildoers Again

My new 9-5 has been more like 9am-10pm lately. One of the perks of working these extra hours is that my company supplies a car service for those that live out of the city. As the cab rides from Midtown to Brooklyn start to add up, (and it takes forever to get your expenses reimbursed) I've been taking full advantage of this rule.

Every night, once I hit the bend at 14th St by the Con Ed plant, the free flowing FDR suddenly comes to a complete stop and all the drivers get downright aggressive to inch their way to the Manhattan and Brooklyn Bridge exits. It's taken, on average, a half hour to go this quarter mile to the on ramp of my favorite NYC landmark.

Once you finally get onto the bridge, at the Manhattan Tower there's usually one or two police cruisers with lights on blocking the left lane. As you pass them, the Red Sea parts and it's no holds barred as all cars go from 5 mph to 70 within seconds.

No accident. No one pulled over. Nothing. Every single night for the past month, the same thing.

Apparently I'm not the only one who's been pondering the nightly clusterfuck. In today's Times City section, a reader asked the same question. It appears that the cops are purposely creating a traffic snarl to thwart terrorists. An Al-Queda operative cased out the bridge back in '02 and sent coded messages back to Osama & Co with a brilliant plan to blowtorch the suspension cables.

Homeland's response? Put a couple of your cruisers in the left hand lane with full on lights and flares. This will slow traffic down so you can keep an eye out for Spiderman with a blowtorch in his back pocket scaling the side of the 159 Ft. Manhattan Tower.

Chief Police Spokesman, Paul J. Browne admits "Protective measures under consideration may make the positioned vehicles unnecessary."

This is my tax money going to good use.


Favorite "New Rule" by Bill Mayer

"New Rule: You can't be as tired as we are of you. The latest excuse for Bush Administration foul-ups is that top members of the White House staff are physically and emotionally exhausted.

["aw" from the audience]

Hmm. If there was just some sort of stress-relieving activity that could be performed right there in the Oval Office... "

One more teen pic for you...

...then I promise I'm done. But every time I see a pic of Frances Bean, it startles me how much she looks like her father. Check her out at a LA Fashion show. It's like seeing Kurt in a dress.

BTW - Nice to see that Courtney looking a bit more pulled together these days.

It's Official...I'm old

Haley Joel Osment, of I-see-dead-people fame is all grown up. Can you believe he's 18, dear readers? Above is him at the launch of a videogame Kingdom Hearts II yesterday.

My god, that must mean that the toddler of Did-you-know-a-human-head-weighs-8lbs and telling Jerry "cruise' McGuire Fuck you! fame is in high school......Here he is all grown up and 16 years old.


Book Your Vacation Now...

...Because you're going to want to be out of town on August 31st. MTV announced today that the VMAs will return to Manhattan this year.

Luckily, they'll be hosted at Radio City so the annoyance factor will be contained within Rock Center.

Bloomie predicts NYC will earn a cool $25 mil by hosting the event, half of which will likely come from Diddy/PDiddy/PuffDaddy/Puffy/SeanJohn/Sean's arrival alone.


The F Train Follies Strike Out At itunes...

My line's fellow riders were also feeling no love for Apple today...

Girl #1: ...and I will totally sell you my old shuffle, cheap.
Girl #2: I don't know...
Guy: Fuck that, iTunes sucks! All iProducts suck!
Girl #2: Shh! You might offend the girl with the iPod.
Guy: Fuck her! She can't hear us with those ear things in!
--F train

from our friends at www.overheardinnewyork.com

Apple's at it again....

Just when you thought your new Video ipod was the creme de la creme, Apple's gone and made it obsolete...Fans of the ipod mini can commensurate when the Nano arrived. Rumor has it that the 60-gigabyte iPod, which launched in October and retails for $399, is "at risk" until the end of April, meaning that it could be discontinued or replaced.

And what's coming next you ask?

The new device reportedly has a screen that covers the entire face of the iPod and a "virtual click wheel" that appears only when a user touches the screen. The design resembles a patent that Apple recently filed for a tablet computer.

Quick, someone check the back of Steve Job's neck for the tell-tale "666" as the man is obviously the money-sucking spawn of the devil.

(Anyone know how I can get onto the wait-list?)


The F Train Follies

Why do these snarky riders always take the N train? From our friends at www.overheardinnewyork.com

Guy #1: So I was standin' in front of the door in the train the other day, and this old lady shoves me like three times when the doors opened. I stepped aside to look at her and I pushed her like this.

Guy #2: What did she do?

Guy #1: She just looked and me and walked out. Fucking bitch!
--N train

Bumpwatch 2006

Oops....it's looks like she did it again...

I Knew It!!!

US Weekly reports this week that those annoying 6 Flags ads with the Uncle Jr-esque guy dancing around are none other than the actor himself, Dominic Chianese. Apparently during the loooooooooooong hiatus between seasons, Dom made himself some easy cash pimping the park.

Reason #5,295 The Mets Continue To Break My Heart

Like nearly every other kid in the tri-state area, I spent the better part of the fall of '86 staying up past my bedtime to cheer on my heroes from Queens as they limped their way towards the World Series.

For a nine year old girl, Strawberry, Dykstra, Sojo, Knight, Darling, Hernandez, Teufel and Gooden were gods. Davey Johnson was the smartest man alive. Ojeda was a miracle worker and Gary Carter the man my naive little tween heart believed I'd grow up to marry.

On that cold October night, the unbelievable came true as fans and players rushed the field in a euphoric state. Anything was possible. A few days later, I relished the ticker tape parade and firmly believed Mookie Wilson when he made the claim "'86 year of the Mets, '87 year of the Mets, '88 year of the METS!"

Then it all went to hell, and once again, I turned my eyes toward The Bronx.

Darryl Strawberry was to me what Jeter is to Gen Y. To learn he (and half the team) were coked up throughout the historic '86 run broke my heart. Much like the Yankees, I kept thinking just give him one more chance and he'll turn it all around - clean up and restore his former glory. It saddens me to learn that many kids today are receiving just as cold a reality check with the steroids crackdown. Names like Bonds, Sosa and McGwire leave a bitter taste in my mouth.

So, I found it truly sad that, once again, one of the best in the game was back in the headlines for the same old reasons. Doc Gooden, 1984 Rookie of the Year and 1985 NL Cy Young Award winner, was arrested for cocaine abuse and could face up to 5 years in jail. This is the third time Doc's posed for a mug shot for just this reason.

What I found really disheartening about this was that, apparently, he was meeting with his parole officer (one of the conditions of his arrest last year for speeding away from the police after a DUI traffic stop) and admitted that he was using cocaine. She did a drug screening and when the test results came back positive, he was promptly arrested.

Funny, I thought the POs are there to help get their cases back on track and provide any help they may need in doing so. Instead of arresting Doc and threatening him with nearly 5 years in prison, how about suggesting a mandatory stay in a treatment center?


Oui, oui!

In honor of a friend flying to Paris tomorrow...

Z Madison's fun fact of the day (thanks to our friends at www.snapple.com ) is:

There are more French restaurants in New York City than in Paris. - #251

Even when the frenchies win, they still lose... :)


Leave The Gun...Take The Cannolis

The Countdown has begun...only 7 more days until Tony, Carm, Paulie Walnuts, Chris-ta-fer and all our favorite badboys from across the Hudson are back.

Be sure to check out the trailer (by clicking on the link in the title of this post)...Don't you just love HBO?


Purple Nurple Anyone?

Ahh.....middle and high school. What memories. What things you wish you could forget. What games you played....

You see, the boys in my class at good ole' Southampton High School had two games they favored freshman year. The first was aptly named "the nut game". The 'rules' were never revealed to the ladies, but between each period we would find the majority of our boys camped out by the lockers all with their hands cupping their balls. Apparently one would 'lose' if he forgot the rules and walked around without protecting himself. Then a free-for-all would ensue with the group decending upon the boy in question, each aiming for the best smack or quick punch to the victims....area. Then the group would find it hilarious as he writhered around in the fetal position.

Thankfully, the Nut Game dissappeared as quickly as it arrived and by sophomore year, old reliable was called back into action - Purple Nurple. What possessed these boys to twist on one another's nipples until they literally bruised into purple blobs is beyond me and many of the female members of my class. Ironically, the mere threat of one today still elicits the fear of god into many of my now 'mature' male friends...

While many of us found all this slightly amusing (but moreso retarded), we considered it harmless. Boys just being boys. Apparently, one 16 year old's parents did not find it funny at all. In fact, they thought a purple nurple was a reason to send a kid to Juvy...

Nipple Pincher Gets Juvenile Detention
GOLD HILL, Ore. (AP) -- A teen who pinched and twisted another boy's nipple while standing in line at a deli has been sentenced to four days in juvenile detention because he refused to write a letter that explained his actions.

David Thumler, 16, was convicted of offensive physical touching in July 2005, after the victim's parents complained to police. The Crater High School student paid a $67 fine and served three days of community service.

"I emptied trash cans, mowed lawns and shoveled gravel," Thumler said.
But Thumler's refusal to comply with the final piece of his sentence will cost him four days in detention. He was required to write the letter during four classes put on by Mediation Works, which operates the victim-offender program for Jackson County Community Justice.

Mary Miller, executive director of Mediation Works, said the purpose of the letter is to prepare teens to be accountable for their offenses.
"They don't have to apologize," she said. "But they are required to be accountable."
The offender is required to describe the act in detail, explain "thinking errors," "express empathy" and describe any resultant life changes.
Miller said the program is "often a very, very healing experience between the victim and youth offender."

Thumler said he presented a rough draft of his letter in the third session. He said he balked when told he must also describe his "criminal thought processes."
He said that would imply malicious or criminal intent.

Thumler said he had no criminal intent because he considered the victim to be a friend at the time of the incident - which he deemed horseplay.

"It was a matter of conscience," Thumler said. "I figure the worst is already over."
Ken Chapman, a Community Justice juvenile probation supervisor, verified Thumler's sentence.
"The judge found a willful violation of the court order," Chapman said.
Information from: Mail Tribune, http://www.mailtribune.com/


Fun Fact Of The Day

Snapple Fact #328:

The Statue of Liberty features 7 points in her crown - one for each of the continents.

And you thought it was just the French being fashinistas...