Favorite new "New Rule" by Bill Maher
New Rule: Angelina Jolie must adopt Britney Spears' baby. Britney Spears was recently blessed with a drooling, helpless, little dependent. And after marrying Kevin Federline, they had a baby. Since then, that baby's been dropped and misplaced more often than a set of car keys. First, Britney blamed the nanny, then she blamed the high chair, then she blamed the media. Hold on, I think we've found a replacement for Scott McClellan!
New Rule: Tom Cruise must eat his baby and rename his movie. Apparently the sequel to "Mission: Impossible II" isn't "Mission: Impossible III." It's "m:i:3." That's "m-colon-i-colon-3." I guess Tom just likes fitting in colons. And on the...and on the home front, he's already announced plans to eat his baby's placenta...with some fava beans and a nice Chianti. Tom, just go ahead and finish the whole thing, because that kid is going to be one screwed up little Martian anyway. Even Michael Jackson is thinking, "Wow, I never literally ate a kid." They get cranky later on in the evening.