Reminder: For The Love Of God, Stay Far Away From Rock Center Tonight

Dumpwatch 2006: Don't Mess With The Donald

Fans (the two or three of you that are left) of The Apprentice won't be seeing Carolyn Kepcher in the season premiere. Or at all.

The Donald's gone and given her the big heave ho with this gentle prod:

'A source knowledgeable in the matter told the Post that Trump advised Kepcher to "take some time off and spend it with her family, and then get another job."'

Ivanka is replacing Carolyn, 'natch. Don Jr. will be filling in for George, who is still with the corporation but won't be out in Los Angeles where the next season's being filmed.

Project Runway Quote Of The Night

Anyone else hate Heidi in bangs? For the record, every week I'm more in love with bitchy as ever Laura. The hormones are working for you, sweetart. And no one's ever rocked maternity style better.

Anyway, back to the task at hand. Everyone's favorite weekly post: PRQOTN!

Tonight, each designer was 'challenged' to make their own outfit. Sheesh, how hard...

As a former Hamptonite, I dug "We're going for Hamptons meets The Hood" by Michael, but honey, it's been DONE.

No, far more intriguing was stumped by the whole eurotrash party hopper theme Angela. She apparently has a cousin. Who hunts. Using him as inspiration, she came up with this gem:

"My sister calls him the Hillbilly Jetsetter."

Runner up was Michael teaching a nervous Kayne how to walk: "Easier when you're from the ghetto. I'm from white trash." - Kayne (who we all now know dumpster dived with his sister).

PS - Oui, oui to the Parisian surpise!

Oh Captain, My Captain!

Z's flying to the Sunshine State for a Labor Day Weekend getaway. I love flying. I love going to the airport. I even love the feeling of getting through security. And, I especially love that "oomph" you get in the pit of your stomach the moment the plane leaves the runway.

The hoopla over carry on items and concerns for terrorism doesn't faze me. Flying still seems safer and the ontime rate of departure and arrival as tragically bassackwards as it is, still beats that of the god damn F train.

No, what worries me is stories like this:

"OTTAWA, Ontario (Reuters) -- The pilot of a Canadian airliner who went to the washroom during a flight found himself locked out of the cockpit, forcing the crew to remove the door from its hinges to let him back in, the airline said on Wednesday."

Believe you this dear readers, Z will be keeping a closer eye on the crew than whatever incognito Air Mashall is on my flight...

For the full story click here.

I've Nothing But Respect For You, Aretha...

But god damn, those are some big titties!

Thx for the pic, dlisted!

Got An Extra $89,400 Laying Around?

Then you could be the proud owner of the S.S. Minnow as seen on Gilligan's Island. Boat Broker George Shultz is selling it on behalf of a 70something owner who's become "tired" of it.

Like the ill-fated vessel on the show (for which this boat is seen in the opening credits), the S.S. Minnow's also seen it's share of shipwreck. Not to worry, potential investors, she's been all fixed up. So get out there and invest in some 3-hour tours.

Favorite New Rule By Bill Maher

Bill's back! While the show got off to a shaky start, by the time New Rules rolled around, Bill was back in top form. Z's fav?:

New Rule: If Homeland Security and the FAA five years after 9/11 still don't have a unified passenger watch list, haven't completed installation of explosive detecting machines and have absolutely no system to find liquid explosives, could you at least tell us where we can hide our weed? Because I'm stumped. Up until now, I've been putting it in my hair gel.

Emmy Fashions - Everyone Else Is Commenting, Why Shouldn't I?

Jeremy, baby, don't listen to the fashion haters. You're portrayl of Ari is as genius as was your unique choice to sport the ascot. You deserve both the EMMY and the spot on Z's best dressed list.

UPDATE: from today's Page6 '"Entourage" star Jeremy Piven celebrated his best supporting actor nod in his usual way - by getting drunk. One spy said Piven, who drank Moet Champagne all night, entered the HBO party at the Pacific Design Center "already inebriated" and screaming, "Where is my entourage? Where is it?"

Best Dressed Female - Not even a contest.

Heidi, even at upteenth months pregnant, it's no wonder Seal can't keep his hands off of you. You literally glowed on the carpet in that Michael Kors number.

Thanks For The Complete Waste Of Time, Asshole

John Karr's DNA doesn't match that which was found at the murder scene.

Shocker.

Now lets just hope this slug oozes back under the rock from which he came.

Bumpwatch 2006

Rumorville's working overtime on this one. Due to the recent sitings of Miss Hilton, many are saying she's secretly carrying sweetheart Kevin Connoly's bump. (For those who don't know, Kevlove is E on Entourage, who delivered the last line for a fantastic end to the season last night.)

Is she or isn't she? We'll just have to wait it out. But if Nikki is, and this is what we can come to expect of the pregashions, it's going to be a stylish 9 months.

They Say A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Words

And how true that is.

Z's Mom would have turned 53 today. After a little bit of googling, I found her in cyberspace. She's seated down on the bottom row, second from left, hugging her knees to her chest.

Here's what makes this photo so fun for me: My father is seated next to her, and ironically my stepmother's standing right behind him.

Not to worry, dear readers. Z has nothing but complete understanding why the 'rents divorced and complete agreement that Z's Dad and Stepmother are soulmates (and been married for nearly long enough to celebrate the big Silver AnniParty). For the record, Mom had found her soulmate, too.

But if a picture could tell a 1,000 words, this one's a novel and I'm laughing my ass off looking at it. And hey, Z's Mom was nothing if not able to enjoy a good laugh. So here's to you: Happy Birthday! Hope you're having a rockin good time in that DJ Booth in the sky.

Btw - Z's pretty sure semi-regular commenter Donuts & Coffee's hiding in there somewhere, too...

Probably Not The Best Picks For Storyhour

Deathwatch 2006: Beefcake Reviews

1010wins reports that midway through the male review at Hunk-o-Mania last night, the cops came and busted up the beefy performances, undoubtedly sending dozens of drunken penis paraphenalia laden ladies wobbling in their stilettos out into the night.

To be fair, Spirit (where the review is housed), is on the same block in western Chelsea as the nightclub Guest House where a New Jersey teenager went drinking and partying last month before she was beaten, strangled, raped and killed.

While Bloomie and Co. beef up nightclub security and continue to crack down on NYC Nightlife, where oh where will the ladies be able to get their Beefcake fix? Afterall, mainstay Mantasia is now closed, too.

Psst - There's always the trannies at Lucky Chang's and the ultimate in trash: Birdy's (at the Culture Club) to get your bride-to-be mortification on...

Fun WIth Bubba

Z's dying to know just what Bill said to Nicole to get that look...

For All You Project Runway Fans

The new issue of EW hits newsstands today and it features Heidi and Tim "Make-It-Work" Gunn dishing about this snarky season. I'm already trolling my office for a copy...

Deathwatch 2006: Magazines You Likely Never Read

Surprise that it was shitcanned:

Not surprised that it was shitcanned:

STATEMENT REGARDING SHOP ETC. AND WEEKEND
After launching and/or acquiring 12 magazines in the last seven years--one of the most aggressive records of any publishing company--we have reexamined the viability of some of our development titles.

Unfortunately, because the performance metrics we set for new magazines were not achieved, and because of the challenging economy, tough newsstand environment, and rising paper and postal costs, two magazines will be discontinued: SHOP Etc. (after its October issue) and Weekend (after its September issue).

We thank Mandi Norwood, Cindy Lewis and their staffs at SHOP Etc., and Susan Wyland, Lauren Michaels and their staffs at Weekend, for all their hard work and dedication.

Thx for the heads up Gawker!

MySpace: The Magazine

If you haven't already heard, MySpace is seriously considering launching a magazine.

What the fuck kind of edit would it possibly contain?

According to AdAge, "the editorial mix would likely cover standout MySpace members and their interests, from music to their social scenes."

Naturally.

I couldn't think of a worse idea for a launch. Wait - I forgot about Shop Etc. and Weekend (rumored to be shitcanned today by the folks at Hearst).

Don't Worry Bubba, I Find The Mets To Be A Snoozefest Too

According to SI.com, during Tuesday's Mets/Cardinals game, a camera caught William Jefferson Clinton himself snoozing during the eighth inning.

"Fortunately, Clinton rose to the occasion for Carlos Beltran's game-winning two-run homer in the ninth, waking in time to high-five fans sitting around him."

Is there anything this man can't do?

Z's Fearful For Her Life (and that of V)

Following on the heels of Dell's recall of laptops due to Sony supplied batteries that were self destructing, Apple's just announced that they're doing the same Cnn reports.

This past holiday season, Z became the proud owner of a Sony Vaio. If it's possible to be in love with a machine, then consider me a goner. The one thing I don't like about My Love is the intense heat he radiates when resting on my lap. No worries though, I found a quick solution and use a pillow as a heat shield.

So what does this have to do with the recent Apple recall?

When I first heard about the Dell recall, I felt some unease. But, now that Apple's jumping on board (do any manufactures even make their own guts to their machines?), I'm fearful that My Love will not only explode on my lap preventing the world from any mini-Zs but also possibly toasting V, the very fat and lazy lump of fur who's jealous of My Love's commandeering her former resting place and therefore curls up asclosetoitaspossible.

So, with baited breath I wait while the recalls continue to unfold...

Those Geeky Bastards!

Recently, Z shared with you how the planned gathering of geeks in Prague would ascertain Pluto's fate as a planet.

Well, they gave the little guy the big kiss-off. Pluto has been stripped of its planetary status!

Apparently the little guy has always been controversial. Since being named a planet back in the 1930s it's been dogged by furious geeks screaming illegitimacy. But how can I be expected to unlearn Pluto as a planet? That's like telling me Staten Island is no longer a part of New York City.

Z says to hell with the geeks. Pluto, baby, you'll always be a planet to me.

Project Runway Quote Of The Night

Heidi:You're Out! (to Robert)

It's the end of an era.

Fun Item Of The Week

The kids over at Best Week Ever recently showcased the above must-have for your abode. It's a scale that measures your weight in celebrities, not pounds. So, instead of saying you need to lose 5lbs, you can instead lose an Olsen twin.

Genius.

Ode To The Class Of 2010

As the West Village begins to fill up with lost looking little ones, Z's realizing that most of these kids, who for the record were born in 1988, are very different from my pushing-30 ass.

A few facts from our friends at Beloit College:
*The Soviet Union has never existed and therefore is about as scary as the student union.
*There has always been only one Germany.
*"Google" has always been a verb.
*Text messaging is their email.
*Madden has always been a game, not a Superbowl-winning coach.
*Reality shows have always been on television.
*They have no idea why we needed to ask "...can we all get along?"
*They have always known that "In the criminal justice system the people have been represented by two separate yet equally important groups."
*They have rarely mailed anything using a stamp.
*They are not aware that "flock of seagulls hair" has nothing to do with birds flying into it.
*They have always been searching for "Waldo."
*Sara Lee has always made underwear.
*Television stations have never concluded the broadcast day with the national anthem.
*Diane Sawyer has always been live in Prime Time.
*Disposable contact lenses have always been available.

Feel old yet?

Put That In Your Pipe And Smoke It!

Residents in the Dyker Heights neighborhood of Brooklyn are up in arms about some pesky 'weeds' they're finding in their shrubs. Seems some kids have been up to no good, secretly planting little pot plants all over the 'hood.

According to 1010wins:

State Senator Marty Golden says police rounded up 22 teenagers last week on disorderly conduct charges in an effort to address the problem. Resident Vivian Franzitta, who's been finding pot in her hedges, calls the problem "annoying and unbelievable." Golden says he held a community meeting on the problem that was attended by 70 angry residents.

Maybe if they partook of the "weeds" they wouldn't be so "angry."

For the record, this neighborhood is well renown for their Christmas light displays. Here's just a sampling of the houses in recent years:

Kinda looks like the sort of place where you'd need some 'weeds' to just keep sane...

Say It Ain't So, Sam!

One of Z's nightly rituals is watching ABC 7's late news. I normally don't make it home for the early news, so this is my way of catching up on the day's goingson and catching a glimpse of tomorrow's weather for which Sam Champion always leads the way. With his immaculate spray on tan and almost-scary-it's-so-white grin, Sam has seen me through nearly a decade of mother nature.

So, it's with a heavy heart and no-eye-candy-in-sight that Z bids him adieu. Sam's off to join the jolly folks at GMA. NY's loss is America's gain. Just don't tell the bread basket matrons that Sam's rumored to be the biggest closeted TV personality since The Coop.

Fun Pic Of The Day

File Under : I'm NOT A Criminal!

As mentioned, the BF was in Vegas this weekend and that meant that I could get my shop on in peace. I knew I wanted it to be in Brooklyn and I knew the couple of places I wanted to hit up.

I headed straight to Bird, a semi-new boutique I've been meaning to check out. They had a 75% sale going on and the goods looked to be of the kind I'd like but would need a severe discount for. After perusing the on-average $300+ sweaters, jeans and coats, I was moving on. I'd spent about 20 minutes total looking though the racks and checking out the merch both on the new fall arrival and sale racks, all the while hearing their damn security thing go off and go-lucky employees jovially saying, "Oh, don't worry about it" to the customers shocked by the beep. Finding nothing that suited my fancy, I departed hearing, once again, the incessant beep.

I sauntered about half way up the block when I heard "Excuse me! EXCUSE ME!" from behind. Lost in lala land, it took me a moment to realize she was speaking to me. Literally, this chick was running as fast as her high end footwear would carry her.

All apologetic yet at the same time with a fierceness, she asked to see the contents of my bag explaining "The security system went off when you left."

Dumbfounded and speechless, I opened my tote to show the various sections of the Times I hadn't yet finished, lip gloss and other odds and ends and was mildly embarrassed to see the crumpled up tin foil evidence of a bagel I'd had earlier in the morning and had tossed the wrapper inside, in an effort to not litter.

To her credit, she seemed embarrassed. To my credit, here she was trying to discredit me in front of the entire block, who were now staring. I was mortified. I could barely look at her, just nodded and raised an eyebrow in "You see?" and made my way up the block in utter shame.

To regain my dignity, I immediately proceeded to competitor Dear Fieldbinder and dropped about a quarter of my rent on two shirts and picked up a pair of stacked wood heel peek-a-boo pumps at nearby Something Else boutique.

What else was a girl to do?

Once Again, The Post Nails It With Their Cover

If You Haven't Already, Run And Go See This Movie

As The Boyfriend's in Vegas this weekend, Z's had time to do all the little things she did B.B (Before Boyfriend). I've spent too much on 'clothes to transition me into Fall', mani/peddie, a solo sidewalk seated brunch long enough to get through the entire NYTimes, etc. I also partook of a mainstay B.B ritual.

Friday Night Movies.

Before I met BF, my Friday night habit was to treat myself to whatever Indy movie trusty Cobble Hill Theater would be featuring. I'd stop off at the deli next door and stock up on my favorite Japanese snack mix and a Tea's Tea and get my badass on by sneaking them into the theater.

I'd been wanting to see Little Miss Sunshine for quite some time, and yesterday provided the perfect opportunity.

I Loved This Movie.

It was hilarious without trying too hard. The cast is superb as is the storyline and frankly, Z hasn't enjoyed a movie so much in ages.

Run, run, run dear readers to experience a true comedic gem.

Here's what the critics have to say...

Is There Anything Better Than Seeing The Yankees Trounce Boston?

Seeing it happen twice in one day.

In Boston.

Go Yanks! Spread that margin...

UPDATE: Or, five in a row.

Frances Bean Is All Grown Up!

From the neck up, it's like Kurt's staring right at you. From the neck down, FB certainly inherited her mother's good traits.

Viva La France

As my clients are European based, we work with our Paris office quite a bit. As anyone who's been across The Pond knows, English isn't always what you'd think it to be. Hence, I get emails with sentences like this:

"As I am in holidays next week, please liaise with Nikolas if any issue."

They make me smile. TGIF!

It's Finally Here!

Admit it. You're going to shell out $10 to watch this piece of shit this weekend, aren't you?

It's A Bird! It's A Plane! It's...The Virgin?

I'm always amused by the people who find visions of Elvis in their grilled cheese sandwiches or Jesus in the side of a mountain.

Look closely at the above. The turd-like shape is actually chocolate drippings a worker found while cleaning up in the back room of a chocolatier that she swears is The Virgin Mary. Maybe it's the massive hangover from last night's festivities, but...OK, I can see the resemblance. Then again, it's a fucking piece of chocolate. Should The Virgin wish to appear, don't you think she'd find some better way to announce herself than a hardened piece of spillage?

The workers at Bodega Chocolates, however, are convinced they've been touched by God.

Cnn reports: "Since the discovery of the drippings under a vat on Monday, employees of Bodega Chocolates have spent much of their time hovering over the tiny figure, praying and placing rose petals and candles around it."

Z's thinking they've just been touched by a severe sense of delusion.

The September Vogue Could Be A Deadly Weapon

Z was wrong, it's only 4 lbs, not 4.5! Still tell that to my aching sholder after I lug this beast home for some weekend reading...

Thx for the weigh-in, gawker!

Britbrit's Verbal Diarrhea Of The Day

"It is now starting to get a little tiring, holding [Sean Preston], but the whole pregnancy I've done it a lot because he's very attached," she says in this week's People magazine. "It makes me feel needed and wanted, so I like it too."

Project Runway Quote Of The Night

This was quite the snarky bitchfest wasn't it, dear readers.

Early on, Vincent had me at hello with "I don't own the future. I don't go there." but it wasn't until the ending 20 seconds with his zinger to bitchy-but-i-love-her Laura's "Why don't you stick some Harry Winstons up you nose" that this woody-allenesque-queen sealed the deal.

To be fair, Laura came in second place with:

"New Jersey looked as awlful as it ever did."

Trash You Will Be Setting Your Tivo To

Medialife reports that "The has-been celebrities ready to test their pipes on Fox’s “Celebrity Duets” starting Aug. 29 have been revealed: Actors Lucy Lawless, Cheech Marin, Alfonso Ribeiro, and Lea Thompson, WWE champion Chris Jericho, Olympic gymnast Carly Patterson, "Queer" guy Jai Rodriguez and comedian Hal Sparks."

In case some of those names aren't ringing a bell:

Lawless = Xena, Warrior Princess

Cheech = Comeon, if you don't know who he is you shouldn't be reading Z Madison

Ribeiro - Carlton from Fresh Prince Of Bel Air

Lea - Marty McFly's mother to the youngins...

Jai = The Queer Eye Guy you still don't know what exactly it is that he does

Sparks = Mr VH1 I-love-the-80s/toys/90s/70s/etc himself

Dear Readers, I will be salivating in front of my TV awaiting this trainwreck...

Fall Into The....UNIQLO

Here in the States, we have The Gap. In Japan, they have UNIQLO. It's the country's most popular destination for clotheshorses not ironically set at Gap-like prices. Jeans retail for $40 and tanks for as little as $10. Think of it as a (slightly) more funkified place to stock up on basics.

And now you lucky NYers can get your UNIQLO fix right in the heart of SoHo. The new 52,500 square foot, 3 story flagship store is set to open this fall on Broadway between Prince and Spring Streets.

Until then, you'll have to make do with window shopping via their UK website. And for our friends elsewhere, Z's sure that the chain will roll out to a mall near you (ala H&M) sometime soon.

And So It Begins...

I used to love this time of the year. The air is finally not a stanky furnace, the stores are all moving their black and cozy wears into the windows and the subways are virtually free of under-18s after 8:15am.

But, that four week stretch kick off begun in mid-August has become a time to dread. Everywhere you look, from a mass marketing campaign touting a movie's release to the airing of even more horrifyingly real 911 tapes, 9/11 will lambast us at every turn. Especially here in NYC.

True, it gets a little easier to pick at the scab as another 365 days pass, but the more time goes by, the more explicit the coverage has become. We all have our story of where we were that day and how we were personally affected, whether it is the mourning of a friend/loved one/coworker who never came home that day, running from the carnage or just the vague feeling of innocence lost.

Do we really need to be overwhelmed with newly released tapes of those that died last words every fucking newscast for the next 45 days? It's enough to make you want to slit your wrists.

My apologies for the lack of ususal snark, but this has begun to drive me nuts.

Are Z's dear readers who are not housed within our little corner of the world also seeing this no-holds-barred approach in their home towns?

Out With The Old In With The New

OLD:

NEW:

The Yankees broke ground today on the new stadium which will be ready in time to open the 2009 season. While I'm sad to see the House That Ruth Built go by the wayside, no doubt the new home will keep me happy for many years.

Oh, and in case you care, that team in Queens is breaking ground on their new one soon, too...

UPDATE: While the politicans and Bud Selig nearly went weepy, Georgyboy was his usual charming self. According to 1010wins:

``Yankee Stadium is an iconic stadium, a place where Ruth and (Lou) Gehrig played, where popes and presidents have spoken, but so, too, will the new Yankee Stadium be an iconic stadium,'' Pataki said.

Baseball Commissioner Bud Selig said he remembered going to Yankee Stadium as a teenager.
``I can still feel the joy and excitement as I stared in wonder at the field, perfect in every way,'' he said. ``And there in center field stood the hero of my boyhood, the great Joe DiMaggio. ... Yankee Stadium is an American monument that has endured for 84 years. Today we are breaking ground on a new Yankee Stadium, a new monument and new memories for the coming generations of fans.''

Steinbrenner, who complained of the heat, was brief.
``It's a pleasure to give this to you people,'' he said. ``Enjoy the new stadium. I hope it's wonderful.''