Funny Pic of The Day

Well Now We Know What A Newly Brunette Britney Was Doing In NYC Recently...

Harper's you've just lowered yourself to a whole new level. Glenda Bailey, you used to inspire me. Now you just inspire me to reconsider whether any of Dream Account's brands should run in your pub.

Nice baubles, though.

I Heart Montreal

My friend TMac and I had a lovely mini-VayK in Montreal. Although our French consisted mostly of Merci and Pan de Chocolat, we got by just fine. Z's top impressions of our neighboring city to the North?

1. It must be a beautiful city, however that's hard to ascertain when it rains 68 hours out of the 72 you're there.

2. We left our poor concierge with a lasting impression. We selected our hotel solely for it's rooftop oasis pictured above and were hellbent set on reaping it's benefits. We stalked the front desk and concierge for weather reports on an ongoing basis. And when I tell you it rained, I don't mean a wee drizzle. No. We expected to see Noah's Ark sail down Rue de Sainte Catherine from the way the sky monsooned. Finally, a blue patch of sky after a late lunch yesterday made our hearts leap with joy and anticipation. We were wearily informed that the rooftop would indeed open at 4:30 and staked out a spot in the lobby decked out in fabulous resortwear awaiting the magical moment. When one lingering drizzle postponed the grand opening, we declined our dear concierge's offer to wait in our room to receive a confirmation call. No. We'd prefer to wait. Right here. In the lobby. Ah, but once that moment came, there was no other way to relish our good fortune but with a frozen cocktail, Cuban cigar and unlimited dips.

3. Border control was ridiculously easy on both sides. Our American agent literally laughed at us when, after being asked what we had to declare, came our immediate reply "A bottle each of alcohol from Duty Free." Ah, welcome home indeed, Mr. Border Guy. Keep up the good work.

4. Duty Free. If for nothing else, make the trip north for this Mecca of cheap booze.

5. My God, the food is fucking incredible. Were it not for all the walking, my ass would have expanded to truly American-Fanny-Pack-Donning-Tourist proportions.

6. Your "Underground City" sucks. It's a low budget strip mall. No need to ever consider visiting this trap, dear readers.

7. Those crazy Canadians are fucking hilarious, eh! What a cast of characters we met. Love and thanks to y'all, especially to Mr. Anonymous Walking Zagat for recco-ing Cafe Cherrie. (It's on the corner of Rue de Sainte Dennis and Rue de Cherrie if you're in Montreal, dear readers. You. Must. Eat. There. I've been lucky enough to patron some of the best restaurants in NYC over the years. Cafe Cherrie trumps every single one of them for a portion of the cost.)

8. Half the city skipped work to scream on France in their World Cup win. Silly naive Americans we are, TMac and I literally jumped out of our skin each time a roar came forth from one of the the numerous pubs Tuesday afternoon. It took us until much later that evening to realize there wasn't a terrorist attack or some other eminent disaster brewing.

9. To my lesbian friends - Montreal is your friend. There was much lesbian love on display throughout our stay. Having just been to Pride Parade, perhaps it was something I was attuned to notice, but the city seemed to be a magnet for lady lovers. That, and rowdy conventioners and bacherlor parties. Maybe it's the full nudity clause. Dunno. Regardless, the ladies didn't get a second glance from natives or tourists alike. Oui, oui!

10. I'm not one for revisiting places I've been. I'm much more a stick another tack in the world map kinda girl. But, I'd make an exception for Montreal. I'm even thinking of planning a late summer romantic weekend surprise for The Boyfriend. I'll be sure to check the weather report first, as I. Must. Get. To. The. Pool.

Spidy Mania Hits Court St.

I'm on my fire escape risking life, limb and laptop to bring you the latest update of Spidy In Da Hood. Court St. is a mess and traffic is insane. There's tractor trailers parked on either side of the road on my block, the next block with St. Mary's Star of The Sea Roman Catholic Church and the block after. The techs are setting up lights etc. (hence the tiny blue blob in the middle pic) Looks like the shoot's going to definitely be tonight. I'll do what I can dear readers, to bring you updates.

Sorry for the shoddy pic quality above. My camera lacks in 'zoom' what it makes up for in immediacy. Down to the street I go...

UPDATE: At last, it happened. I had my Tobey siting. Alas, he was in a drab grey suit and not all Spidy-ed up. They weren't shooting at the church, but had converted a recently vacated videostore across the street into a Pawn Shop for the occasion. Rumor is that they are moving on to a little back street next. I would have supplied pics but they came out far to blobby. You'll just have to wait for the premiere next summer. No sign of Topher or Kirsten.

I'm off to our french speaking friendly neighbor to the north for a few days. I'll be sure to savor a pan de chocolat for you. Oui, oui!

Congratulations, Nicole

Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban were finally married in Australia. The bride was beautiful and botoxed, as you can see. Keep an eye out for details of the 'emotional' ceremony and rowdy reception in one of the weeklies soon (my guess is the ever ass kissing and respectable People).

Fun Pic Of The Day

Spidy In Da Hood Update

The above is a pic of my little local theater being outdecked for the Spiderman 3 filming that's taken over my neighborhood this week.

Seriously, I need to get involved. Somehow I must make it onto a set...

UPDATE: I just ran to the deli a block from my apartment and there are little blue signs that Spidy's going to be filming. On Monday. One block from my apartment. The block has the St. Mary's Star of the Sea church on it. A wedding perhaps? My deli guy thinks it may be a night scene though.

Regardless, since I ended my old job today and do not begin Dream Account until July 5th, I have time on my hands to do some serious stalking. Worst comes to worst, I'll take pictures from my fire escape...

Deathwatch 2006

Aaron Spelling's children have been summoned to his side. Apparently that stroke was worse than it's been reported.

Without Aaron how will I get my trashy TV fix? This is the man that brought us Charlie's Angels, Dynasty, The Love Boat, Fantasy Island, The Mod Squad, TJ Hooker, Hart to Hart, 7th Heaven, Summerland, Starsky & Hutch and Melrose Place among many fabulously trashtastic others.

All is forgiven for casting Tori in 90210, Aaron. You can rest in peace.

UPDATE: Aaron passed yesterday. His family was at his side. It's truly the end of a great era. This man had been involved in virtually every prime time soap/drama for the past 30+ years. God Bless.

My Love/Hate Affair with East Midtown

After seven years, I will no longer be working in East Midtown. (The eleven months in Columbus Circle don't count)

Things I will miss:

1. My Coffee Cart Guy. I never have to tell him my order, only need to stipulate "hot" or "iced."

2. Keith, my security guy. He'd let me up the elevator bank even those days I couldn't find my ID. The other guy would always make me do the walk of shame to the other elevator bank, ride the short shaft to 14, get out and walk around to the original bank to catch a packed car to the higher floors. Bastard.

3. The Little Man. All my all buildings have had one. He's that sweet guy who runs the newstandlike shop on the bottom floor. He'll always give you a genuine smile and thank you while ringing up your Snapple, emergency bandaids or pocketpaks.

4. There's a Barnes & Noble, Duane Reade, Nine West, two post offices, Ann Taylor, Chase, good pizza, four places to get paninis, two lunch spots with hand rolled sushi and a Starbucks all within a few blocks.

5. Smith & Wolensky. Mortons. Sparks. Michael Jordans. The Palm. Five of the best steakhouses in the city made my neighborhood a carnivorous dream. S&W reigns as my personal favorite as it was the place that brought a swift end to my semi-vegetarian ways on that first corporate card paid lunch seven years ago.

6. My little nail place. They always have Like Linen in stock, give a quickie back rub while you dry and every single one of the ladies goes "Bi-yee" as you leave.

7. There's a firehouse two blocks away. When it's hot out, they wear the tight short sleeved uniforms. Yum.

8. The cobbler in the 53rd/Lex subway station is the best. I've trusted him with my strappy Jimmy Choos, mod marc jacobs boots and countless nine west heels.

9. There's a Mr. Softee always parked on the corner of 48th/3rd during warm months.

10. An abundance of rooftop bars are within blocks as are cozy and boisterous Irish pubs to watch a game post work.

Things I will not miss:

1. The traffic clusterfuck that ensues every time The Prez or a diplomat is in town either from his car brigade or the ensuing protestors. Or, the traffic that ensues on a regular basis cockblocking you from every blinking yellowy white WALK signal.

2. Those damn Red Apple tour buses and the 3rd Avenue line's Clean Air supersized beasts that belch hot exhaust on you at every corner.

3. The constant screeching of firetrucks and police cars.

4. The conspiracy of all the lunch spots to set the minimum cost of a sandwich at $6.95.

5. The insanely crowded sidewalks. God help you if it's raining. The Suits insist on using those gargantuan double wide umbrellas lest a drop of H2O hit their Armani. And they don't 'lift' as you struggle by. Bastards.

6. Everywhere you turn, someone is trying to hand you a coupon, menu or card for a strip club.

7. Turtle Bay. Sutton Place (except the roof) and every other frat bar that resides on 2nd Ave or the stretch in the mid 30s of Mercury Bar, 515 and the like.

8. Trying to hail a cab during the evening rush hour can be like an immunity challenge on Survivor. You must outwit and outlast your opponents.

9. Playing Russian Roulette with the escalators at the 53rd/Lex station. Will They Be Running Or Blocked Off has become a game I play nearly every night and most mornings. And I'm a "walker" so for the love of God, please keep your standing self to the right when they are operational.

And lastly, the thing I will miss the least:

10. Reliance on the fucking V train to put-put it's way anywhere in a timely fashion.

I Should Have Called In Sick Today

The above pic is a few blocks from my apartment. It's a notice slapped on a telephone pole which states there's to be no parking on Smith Street due to filming of...Spiderman 3! Why, oh why, did I come in today? I could be gawking at Tobey and earn my 15 mins of fame being an extra.

Damn, damn, damn!

Leave It To The Little Blue Box

While all the politicans, investors and union representatives squabble over what will become of the World Trade Center site, Tiffany & Co. has quietly gone ahead and signed a lease on a new retail space around the corner from the Stock Exchange. This makes only the second T&Co store in Manhattan (the first being the flagship 5th Avenue forever immortalized by Audrey Hepburn as Holly Golightly from Truman Capote's short story).

Not to be outdone, Hermes has announced that it's now shopping for space in the area, too. I'm loving not having to go to midtown to get my little blue box fix. Let's hope the trend continues and wrestling with the crowds in SoHo becomes unnecessary as well.

Lewis Lives!

Back in March, I told you about a she-devil of a kitty whose neighbors were so disturbed by the feline that they had a Fairfield, CT judge issue a restraining order against him. When that failed to contain his evil ways, Lewis was ordered to be sent to that big litterbox in the sky.

However, a brave state judge spared the life of Lewis the Cat on Tuesday, but ordered that he remain inside his owner's Fairfield home at all times.

"There are no exceptions. None,'' said Judge Patrick Carroll, who also granted accelerated rehabilitation to Lewis' owner, Ruth Cisero.Cisero had faced a charge of reckless endangerment because neighbors complained that the cat's long claws and stealth have allowed it to attack at least a half-dozen people and ambush the Avon lady as she was getting out of her car."

That's gotta be my favorite part - "ambush the Avon lady." Right on, Lewis! No telemarketers for this feisty feline!

According to 1010wins, The case drew national attention. Lewis has appeared in People magazine and his own page on the social networking site MySpace.com. (dear readers, I've been all over myspace on my lunch hour and cannot find Lewis' site. If you find it, pretty please forward it on to me!)

UPDATE: It's Lewis' myspace page! http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=67044202

Bumpwatch 2006

Us Weekly's reporting that Heidi Klum and Seal are expecting their third bundle of joy soon.

While we wait for official spokespeople to confirm or deny, Ms Heidi's still running around NYC finishing up the third season of Project Runway, which debuts July 12th. While I'd be happy for the couple if they are 'with bump,' I'm much more excited for Project Runway 3. Bring on the bitchy queens, kitchy designs, immense egos and drama - Love it!

PS - for the record, I posted this and the pic before www.dlisted.com. I guess great minds think alike! :)

Crackheadz Gone Wild

When I read this in my Metro newspaper yesterday, I didn't know whether to laugh or feel proud of the guys behind the videos. I ended up doing both.

Up in Harlem, across the street from the famed Apollo theater, two savvy entrepreneurs David Singletary, 20, and Milton Greagory, 28, have been briskly selling dvds featuring their local crackheads hamming it up for the cameras.

"For $3 to $5, Singletary and crew get neighborhood junkies to react on tape. 'If we see a crackhead wilding, we just get them in their environment. … As long as you give them a little bit of money, they’re happy.'

Access to junkies isn’t a problem. Singletary, who says he “kept getting locked up” for dealing crack, explains, “When you see a customer all the time, you start to have a little … bond with them.” Tired of trouble with the law, the Crown Heights native stopped selling crack and started videotaping and selling “Crackheadz” instead.

"Some people say it’s wrong," Greagory says. “‘Y’all gonna go to hell,’ whatever, but there are other things out here worse than this.”

The boys consider the videos the new This Is Your Brain On Drugs frying pan ad. By showing the real effects of what crack does to people maybe, after laughing, some will think twice about picking up the habit.

Um, OK, maybe they are a message, but I'm pretty sure the real reason people are snapping them up is because they're fucking hilarious. Check out a trailer at their website for yourself.

The Hurricane's Coming! The Hurricane's Coming!

The New York Sun, the bastard red headed foster child of the NYC Media, reports that Russian media outlets in Brooklyn have been telling the mostly senior citizen-aged immigrants that a huge hurricane is coming, sending said population into a chaotic tizzy to stock up on water and meds while waiting for the Big One.

"I know one businessman who closed his business," the editor in chief of a local paper, Russkii Bazaar, Natalia Shapiro, said. "He went back to live in Russia until the hurricane season is over."

It's gotten so bad that recently the cover of V Novom Svete ran a story "citing a French scientist who said a tsunami would rip through Manhattan on May 25." Here's hoping the editor who ran with that one lays off the Stolichnala.

Not to worry, dear readers. The city's Office of Emergency Management is on the case and out to win the hearts and minds of our misguided Ruskies by launching a Russian PR campaign to address the rumors.

Fear of Hurricane Stirs Russians In Brighton Beach [New York Sun]

Christopher Walken's Looking Scary These Days

This was taken at Wednesday night's premiere of Adam Sandler's new crap film Click. Please get some R&R, Chris. You're looking a little like Bride of Frankenstein.

Pic thanks to our friends at www.dlisted.com. Thx Heather.

Those Who Can't Pitch...Hit

Ask any Yankee fan this season, and they'll tell you - Randy The "Big Unit" Johnson' has sucked some serious ass this season. His timing is off, his pitching is slow and in general, his attitude has sucked, much of which has led to games he's blown.

Ah, but the old man showed some SPIRIT last night and when things got tense, beamed the shite out of a Cleveland batter. The spunk Randy showed earned him a 5 game suspension, as reported by www.1010wins.com:

http://www.1010wins.com/pages/46902.php

Insert Racist? Foot In Mouth

Jay-Z has taken hip-hop's most popular juice off the menu at his 40/40 club in NYC. He leads the way in boycotting Cristal both personally and professionally after the makers of the champagne turned their noses up at the hip-hop community.

He said: "It has come to my attention that the managing director of Cristal, Frederic Rouzaud views the 'hip-hop' culture as 'unwelcome attention'. I view his comments as racist and will no longer support any of his products through any of my various brands including The 40/40 Club nor in my personal life."

Cristal boss, Frederic Rouzaud responded: "I'm sure Dom Perignon or Krug would be delighted to have their business."

That's fucked up.

My money's on PDiddy's declaring war against Cristal next...

Dumpwatch 2006

My favorite designer, and genius originator of Grunge, graffiti Louis Vuitton Bags and the only one who can keep Anna Wintour on her pointy-heeled toes, Marc Jacobs has dumped his 25 year old boy toy Jason Preston.

The Village Voice reports Jacobs as saying of the split "I wanted things to be a certain way, and it's just not working," he said, sadly. "I wanted him to be there when I wanted him to be there. I have to be in bed at 11:30 and he's 25 and wants to go to clubs every night. . . . I adore him. But do I want to control him? No."

What's Preston going to do about that tattoo?

The F Train Follies

Our Conductors, Drivers and Riders and back, and snarkier than ever. Because it's been a while, a little special Isle Of Staten Ferry quote for you, too. Care of our friends at www.overheardinnewyork.com:

Bus driver: Move to the back of the bus. They're giving free diamonds in the back of the bus. See that lady in the back for your free diamond.
--M2 bus

Recording: This is Brooklyn Bridge Girl #1: This don't look like Brooklyn Bridge Girl# 2: I know, maybe they're doing renovations or something. Lady in suit: We're still in the tunnel. --Downtown 4 Train

Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, we apologize for the delay. I promise it will never. happen. again. --Uptown C train

Conductor: For local service, switch to the D Train. Yes, for local service, take the D. I know many of you don't believe me, but I know you know in your hearts that I am right. And if you glance to your right, you'll see there is a D train on the next platform. Excellent. --B train

Do-gooder: Excuse me, you're not allowed to smoke in here. Stoner lady: My bad, you want some? Do-gooder: Um, no thanks, can you just put it out. Stoner lady: Yeah, I used to do cocaine too, but it got too messy. --1 train

And as promised, a little Staten Island for you, dear readers:

Chick: I'm no whore. I told him, the closest you're getting to getting me from behind, you know, doggie style, is licking your own balls and humping my leg. --Staten Island Ferry

Will This Slut Please Just Go Away Already?

As reported today in the Post's Page Six:

"PARIS Hilton is so upset that Lindsay Lohan has been seeing her ex, Greek playboy Stavros Niarchos, she screamed insults at Lohan at Butter on Monday night. Witnesses report Hilton went up to Lohan and shouted, "I can't believe you and Stavros! You are ridiculous!" After taking more insults and curses, Lohan said, "That's how you say hello? I don't need to respond to you." Lohan promptly left. A rep for Lohan said, "Correct. Paris tried to pick a fight with her and started screaming at her, but Lindsay took the high road." After Lohan left, Hilton did a striptease for N.Y. Knick David Lee, Eli Manning and a bunch of other N.Y. Giants."

Class. Nothing but class that Paris has.

Ah, To Be Young Again

Did you hear about these kids?

The last couple of weeks of senior year in high school are full of fun. Some schools have Senior Skip Day, an unofficial reason to play hooky and drink before 10am. There's Prom, finals, signing of yearbooks and, of course, graduation. Some classes even take it upon themselves to be pranksters as their lasting legacy. Some seniors from Long Island take the cake on this one and win the best ever prank in my book.

As reported on www.1010wins.com,
"Students arriving at JFK High School on Monday morning were surprised to find a pink car decorated with green question marks perched on the top of their building. School officials and Nassau police are still trying to figure out how pranksters were able to get the car up to the roof of the Plainview Old Bethpage school. A towing company removed the car, which consisted of only a shell with no engine.

Students say it is senior prank week and many were impressed with the quality of the mischievous deed. However, principal James Murray says damage could have been done to the school. He says those responsible may not be able to attend the prom or take part in graduation ceremonies. He says criminal charges are also possible."

Oh, boo hoo. It's hilarious. I only wish the Class of 1995 had been so creative.

PS - the pic above is of dear ol' Southampton High School in all it's glory.

Hey 911, How About I Help You?

The Boyfriend and I were out and about walking around the West Village yesterday, when we came upon a grisly scene. Walking on Barrow and approaching 7th Avenue SOUTH (this will be important later), he suddenly dashes ahead of me toward the Caliente Cab Company. For those that aren't a walking Zagat, the Caliente Cab is a Southwestern/Mexican joint that serves dandy margaritas in a spacious outdoor area at a fairly busy intersection that apparently is not on 911's maps.

As I approach where The Boyfriend dashed to, I spot an elderly woman laying flat on her back on the sidewalk with a middle aged man and woman holding her hand and looking around helplessly. I whip out my Razr and dial 911 as a few onlookers gathered around. Someone brought the poor woman's daughter-in-law some napkins and water and the man keeps saying over and over "Mom?" I can't tell if she's conscious or not and after the 3rd ring or so 911 answers.

"This is 911, what's your emergency?"

"Yes, send an ambulance. There's a woman laying on the sidewalk in front of Caliente..."

"This is 911, what is the problem?"

"YES, there's a woman. Sidewalk. Oh god, she's bleeding. From her ear. I'm on the corner of 7th Ave and Barrow. In front of the Caliente Cab Company. Send an ambulance!"

"You're in front of a cab company?"

"NO, it's a restaurant. 7th and Barrow and Cornelia."

The 911 operator now proceeds to put me on mute while she dials up another operator. They then commence to argue over a job number. I'm yelling into the phone "Hello? Hello? Just send an ambulance. Figure out the job number after!"

This goes on for another minute or two. Meanwhile, people are exiting the subway station nearby, clearly coming from the Puerto Rican parade and elsewhere. All slowing to a crawl as they walk by the woman and comment "Oh Shit!".

I spot a guy about 3 feet to my right also with an exasperated look on his face while holding his phone to his ear. We yell over to one another "You on with 911?" "They fighting about a job number too?" Meanwhile, if I turn to my left, I can see St. Vincent's Hospital six blocks to my north. This is ridiculous. The woman is now trying to shield her eyes from the glaring sun as her daughter-in-law is protecting her from the masses crawling by and applying the towel to the left side of her head.

Finally, 911 comes back on. "Is it a woman?" "YES" "How old is she?" "I don't know - old, elderly." "Ok, someone else is calling this in. Is it 7th Avenue SOUTH?" "Yeah, south. South 7th Ave. Corner of Barrow." "So you're at 7th Avenue South. Is that right?" "YES" "OK, We're sending an ambulance." "Thanks." Click.

Less than two minutes later, said ambulance sirens it's way in and the other 911caller good samaritans wave it to the proper corner. EMTs get out and attend to the woman. As they pull the stretcher out of the back of the ambulance, The Boyfriend and I meander on.

I hope the woman is OK, but for god's sake dear readers, if we've learned nothing from this episode, it's that dammit, know when your Avenue turns SOUTH.

Happy Monday!

You know it's going to be a good week when you kick it off by handing in your resignation letter.

I accepted Dream Account's offer on Friday.

Funny Pic of The Day

A Summer Series I Can Stand Watching

In this season of re-runs, I'm stuck watching Last Comic Standing. I actually recognize one of the contestants. I am embarrassed to say that while I tired of MTV long ago, I still get sucked into those Road Rules/Real World Challenges. The Inferno? Check. The Gauntlet? Faithfully caught both I and II in marathons. Battle of The Sexes I and II? Yep. And yep. The new Fresh Meat - I'm hooked.

None of the cast members of any of these shows have broken out, Eric Nice's The Grind Workout videos aside. Apparently, Theo Gant III from Road Rules Season Nine is trying to buck the trend and become a stand up superstar. He made it through the initial judging and performed in the before a live audience round. (You'll have to forgive me - it's the first time I've watched this shitty yet entertaining show. I'm not quite sure of the process).

You know what? He's surprisingly...pretty good.

The line that got me chuckling?: "If God didn't want you to cook ladies, why did he put MILK and EGGS into your body???"

Theo didn't make the cut to the next round, but I'd definitely check out his routine at a club near me.

I must give a shout out to the HILARIOUS audience favorite Josh Blue, who rode the 'special bus' his entire life. His sign off brought the audience to tears with "You're all going to hell for laughing at me!" When Kathy Griffin, one of the celeb judges, asked why stand up, he retorted "What am I gonna be a traffic cop" and flailed his erratic arms erratically around. Josh made the cut at the end and is moving on to go live in a clownhouse or something...Regardless, I'm going to love watching this guy in upcoming episodes. I'll dig for a You Tube, but trust me, the guy has comic skills.

Btw - the pic above is contestant Marc Price, better known as Skippy from Family Ties. Marc thought that his stand up act would make him more 'edgy' much like Bob Sagat's trying to rebound his career. He didn't make the cut.

Someone Who Clearly Likes Their Panties In A Bunch

The hilariously anal memo above is courtesy our friends at www.curbed.com.

My advice to the above neighbor? Drop off service. Get involved! They'll come to your home, collect your pile, clean it however you'd like and return it folded. Oh, and by the way, quit your bitching. You should consider yourself lucky that you even have laundry in your building.

I lug my loads down four flights and a block away to the laundry mat, spend two hours doing the laundry and then lug it back. (I apologize for the repetition, but "To Lug" is the only way to accurately describe the process.) There's two drop off services on my block - one is literally across the street from my building, but I prefer to do it myself to ensure that snuggly softness that only bathing in Downy Ultra Concentrated can provide.

Many people mark an age ending in 0 or 5 as the time when they consider themselves officially a grown up. I'll ascend to this status the day I either suck it up and begin the extreme sport known as New York City apartment searching for one boasting its own washer and dryer. Or, for that matter, a dishwasher. Until then, I'll be donning rubber yellow gloves to attack the everpresent pile in the sink and toning my biceps and triceps lugging that beast of a bag up and down the endless flights of stairs in my building.

It's Shiloh Jolie-Pitt!

What a Cutie Patuti!

Angie and Brad have worked out a deal with by Getty Images. All profits will be given to charity, though no specific foundation was announced.

"While we celebrate the joy of the birth of our daughter, we recognize that two million babies born every year in the developing world die on the first day of their lives," the couple said in a joint statement. "These children can be saved, but only if governments around the world make it a priority."

Good for them for not selling out and instead trying to do something meaningful with the papparazzi hoopla.

Child Stars Where Are They Today

Taking a mental health break by means of an endless countdown show on E!, I learned something surprising.

I find the movie A Christmas Story to be a classic, holiday or otherwise. "You'll shoot your eye out", the leg lamp, the "OOOOHHHHHHH FUDGE" scenes still crack me up. This film was shot in 1983. I've always wondered whatever became of Flick, the bespectacled Ralphie's best friend. You remember him. He was the kid who got his tongue stuck to the flagpole after being triple doggie dared. Today, I found out.

Scotty Schwartz, aka Flick, had his breakout role opposite Richard Pryor in The Toy before landing the supporting role in Christmas. After his second movie, he landed a few guest starring roles on such shows as 21 Jump Street and bit parts in B movies. In the 90s Schwartz decided he needed to go in a different direction - and tried his luck in the porn industry, creating such classics as: New Wave Hookers 5, Dirty Bob's Xcellent Adventures 35, The Wrong Snatch and Scotty's X-Rated Adventure

According to E!, Scottie's now left the porn industry to try a comeback in mainstream media. Good luck, Scottie - Just watch where you put that tongue.

Run, Run, RUN To Go See This Movie

Dear Readers, on this rainy afternoon, I was going stir crazy and decided my fix would be to venture into "town" (Cobble Hill) to my little local theater. Armed with sour dough pretzels and a Jasmine Tea's Tea, I waited in line under my umbrella for a 5:30 show.

The Break Up was on my agenda, but god bless my Indy-loving theater, Cobble Hill Cinemas had a few tickets left for An Inconvenient Truth, that "Al Gore Documentary" that got all the buzz at Cannes.

It was riveting, beautiful, disturbing, witty, heart wrenching and compelling. I had also forgotten how much I like Al Gore. The whole movie centered on him and his apple ibook presentation regarding Global Warming. Al was funny, truthful, unabashedly personal and my god, the intellect...made me nostalgic for what never was.

The 5:30 show was packed. The audience was diverse. Every single one of us stayed through the credits (geniusly entertwined with calls to action) until the end when half the audience stood and applauded.

It's difficult to say why this 94 minute documentary of Gore's powerpoint presentation was so compelling. Maybe it was the subject matter. Maybe it was the raw sincerity and glimpse into the true personality of Al Gore himself that was so moving. The direction and incredible camera work deserves a nod as well.

Do yourself a favor and see this movie. You will not be disappointed.

www.rottontomatoes.com gives it an 88% fresh rating:
http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/inconvenient_truth/

And Al - Please reconsider and get back into the game!

Funny Pic of The Day

The Boys Are Back In Town So Hug It Out

While this (somewhat disappointing) season of the Sopranos wraps up tomorrow, I'm already salivating for the next installment of Entourage kicking off next Sunday.

In the premiere last night, Jeremy Piven, who hilariously plays the maniacal uber-agent Ari, sums up what we can expect this season:

"This is your coming out party... We want to make a statement here. A statement that says I am a man now not a boy. Come on let's be classy. You've been banging every girl west of Sepulveda the past six months. Just pick the one skank that's gonna photograph well and be done with it. BOOM."

Yeah, baby!

Hey MTA - Suck On This!

Seriously, get involved. You've been around for more then a century now, MTA. I'm sure you've had a few heavy rainstorms in that time. You'd think that one of the hundreds of engineers you've employed over the years would be able to think of a way to drain the tunnels in case of a summer storm as to not shut down the entire fucking system for two hours, conveniently during rush hour.

3pm: The sky turns black. Rain is eminent.

3:15: The monsoon begins.

3:17: I've just realized I left my apartment windows open. FUCK.

4:15: Rain begins to taper off

4:20: International smoking time (sorry, couldn't help myself)

5:15: I escape from the my cube

5:25: I arrive at the 53rd St/Lexington Avenue station at Third Avenue and head down the stairs to find a clusterfuck of confusion outside the turnstiles: There's no E? The downtown 6 is running only to 42nd Street? What about the V? Can I get to Queens? What the motherfuckingfuck? Where's a bus I can take? And these were just the comments I overheard from the friendly and helpful folks wearing MTA uniforms and orange vests.

5:40: I finally make my way up to the window of the token booth to ask the guy enclosed in his glass cage what are my options. "What about the F? Is the F running from 63rd?" I yell out. "F? F? F? How am I supposed to know about the F? The V and E and 6 aren't running from this station" "I gotta get to Brooklyn - I take the V to the F" "F?" "Forget it - Jay St in Brooklyn. The E's not running you say, so what about the A or C from Times Square down to Jay St in Brooklyn?" (For the out of towners, Times Square is about 8 Avenues across town and 9 blocks south. Every 5 avenues or 10 blocks equals one mile. It's hot. And wet. And I'm in heels.) "Jay St - yeah, take an uptown 6 to 59th/Lex, transfer to a downtown N or R. Get out at at Jay Street and walk to the A." "But I thought the 6 wasn't running from this station?" "NEXT!"

5:57: I suck down a cigarette on the block walk to the 6 on Lex and 53rd, dodging all the commuters now trying uselessly to hail non existent cabs and make my way around the hundreds of people jostling in line for the packed buses. I walk down the stairs into the atrium with the turnstiles to the 6. FUCK. More mass confusion. I spot a reporter trying to be nonchalant with her cameraman. She's shoving her NBC Channel 4 microphone towards the two MTA employees stuck in the middle of a throng of passengers.

6:05: Suddenly a loudspeaker booms that THERE IS DOWNTOWN V SERVICE DOWNSTAIRS ON THE PLATFORM! I squeeze in a mad rush for the turnstiles and cram onto the escalator.

6:10: We arrive down below to what I can only imagine commuting in Tokyo or India is like. Bodies crammed everywhere. People trying to shove their way back up the escalator. Loud speaker booms again. THERE IS NO SERVICE AT ALL. I REPEAT, THERE IS NO SERVICE AT THIS STATION.

Mother fucker.

6:20: I arrive BACK up in the atrium and proceed to walk back to work to retrieve my sneakers I thought about taking when I originally left that are awaiting me under my desk.

6:45: Resigned, I decide to take a bus down 2nd Avenue to Houston, figuring the F might be running after all this time.

7:00: After letting 3 packed supersized M15 Limiteds drop off and pick up, I finally squeeze into the 4th.

7:36: I approach Houston and 2nd Ave. The lights are red on top of the station's staircase. Shit. Well, I've learned that this bus goes down to city hall and I can see if the A/C is running or worst comes to worst, walk over the damn (but beloved) bridge and home from there. As the bus turns the corner on 1st/Houston I spy green lights on top of that end of the station and take a risk.

7:40: OMG! THE F IS RUNNING! THE F IS RUNNING!!!

7:45: For as much of a bitch as my commute was, I am rewarded with an E-list celebrity siting at Delancy. I peer to my right and catch the eye of a guy who looks familiar. Scanning my mental rolodex, I'm drawing blanks. Then it hits me - It's Miguel Morales from Top Chef!

http://www.bravotv.com/Top_Chef/Bios/Chefs/Morales/bio.shtml

7:55: I arrive at my final destination and head for the nearest wine shop to purchase some much needed Pinot Grigio.

Bumpwatch 2006 - We're all going to hell...

...in a babybasket. It's official - Anna Nicole Smith is preggers. She announced it in this hilarious clip on her official website. Even though she's clearly sober, she still sounds like she's on something. The poor child doesn't have a chance.

I'm loving the yipping dogs in the background, though.

http://www.annanicole.com/membersonly/1_mov.html