Favorite new "New Rule" by Bill Maher

New Rule: Angelina Jolie must adopt Britney Spears' baby. Britney Spears was recently blessed with a drooling, helpless, little dependent. And after marrying Kevin Federline, they had a baby. Since then, that baby's been dropped and misplaced more often than a set of car keys. First, Britney blamed the nanny, then she blamed the high chair, then she blamed the media. Hold on, I think we've found a replacement for Scott McClellan!

New Rule: Tom Cruise must eat his baby and rename his movie. Apparently the sequel to "Mission: Impossible II" isn't "Mission: Impossible III." It's "m:i:3." That's "m-colon-i-colon-3." I guess Tom just likes fitting in colons. And on the...and on the home front, he's already announced plans to eat his baby's placenta...with some fava beans and a nice Chianti. Tom, just go ahead and finish the whole thing, because that kid is going to be one screwed up little Martian anyway. Even Michael Jackson is thinking, "Wow, I never literally ate a kid." They get cranky later on in the evening.

Plastic Surgery Fun House

It's no secret that many celebs visit their plastic surgeons like you and I go to the grocery store. I've nothing against a little botox or nip and tuck here and there, but some of these celebs are giving Jacko a run for his money.

Case in point: Joan Rivers. Ever since E! gave Joan the boot, I haven't paid much attention to the red-carpet-trainwreck. Care of our friends at www.tmz.com, I've come across a shot of her circa '83 and '06. Literally, she looks like a totally different woman:

Now, I've nothing but love for Dolly Parton, but darlin', it's starting to look like you're a contestant on Extreme Makeover:

Kenny Rogers decided he did not want to go gently into the night with a little eyelift, but it looks like he can't even blink anymore:

As these celebs have proven, sometimes less really is more.

Did You Hear About This Asshole?

Last night, the leadoff story of the 11pm news had me cracking up.

30 year old J. Ray Corliss IV, who works for the Discovery Channel, was arrested for trying to parachute off the 86th floor observation deck.

To get past security (dear readers, having attended monthly meetings with the Boys and Girls Club on the 9th floor, I can attest to the metal detectors et al), he donned a fat suit complete with a rubber mask and grey wig to play the part of tourist. Underneath the get up, he hid a helmet with built in camera and his chute.

Just as our faux-fat daredevil approached the wired ledge, a cop and private security guard tackled and handcuffed him to the railing.

There's been no word on whether a wayward fanny-pack was found on the deck.

And Where Will All The Boys Be This Weekend?

Glued to ESPN watching the goingson at Radio City. That's right kids, it's time once again, for the NFL Draft.

How do the NY teams stand?

Big Blue's in great shape with their line up as is. They'll have a lot of flexibility in each round.

As for Gang Green - as history proves, the Jets always seem to fuck up their draft picks. Cases in point:
Ken O'Brien over Dan Marino
Blair Thomas over Emmitt Smith
Kyle Brady over Warren Sapp.

Let's hope Schottenheimer and Co. keep their heads screwed on right and find a QB who can last the season...or a Kicker who doesn't fall under pressure.

Let Freedom Ring...Or At Least Begin

Now that the squabbling over who owns what has finally come to an end, construction workers have finally broken ground on the "Freedom Tower" - the planned 1,776-foot building that will symbolically replace the Twin Towers on the northern edge of Ground Zero.

The building is slated to be completed by 2010 and will be the tallest in all of North America. Per www.cnn.com, the building is to rise 1,360 feet, the height of the original twin towers. A spire will raise it to the height symbolic for the year of the American Revolution.

A memorial to the 2,973 September 11 victims and six people killed in a 1993 truck bombing will be located on the southern half of the site. It is expected to be completed in 2009, financed through private donations.

The Mayor With Moxy

Former Mayor of NY, Ed Koch, apparently still has that fighting spirit as proven by the following exhange overheard in the Village yesterday...

Care of our friends at www.newyorkoverheard.com :

Guy: Hey, Mayor Koch!
Ed Koch: Yes?
Guy: You were the worst fucking mayor.
Ed Koch: Yeah? Well, fuck you!
–West 4th & Greene

The F Train Follies

Dear readers, something's been in the air, literally, on the F train lately. The following are true retellings of my commute Monday evening and this morning:

Monday Evening Rush Hour Commute:
Just as the F is pulling into the Jay St. Station in Brooklyn, the car lurches and some woman's food goes flying into the middle of the car's floor. Now, the subway is never somewhere I feel the need to quench my appetite, but to each their own. The food was some sort of a BBQ dish all brown and gooey.

Did I mention it was currently residing on the floor of a nasty F train car that likely hadn't seen an industrial hosedown in quite some time?

Apparently this was not an issue for our fearless rider. The stout matron in a black suit proceeded to RETRIEVE her wayward meal from the FLOOR and continue to EAT IT. At seeing this, the man who was seated next to her got up in disgust and made a harrumph! noise as he walked to the next section of the car.

Her reaction to his judging her? Go absolutely apeshit, of course.

It began innocently enough with a few back and forths along the lines of "Are you going to pay for my meal then, Mr. Millionaire?" and quickly escalated into "I wouldn't sleep with you" and then unbelievably "I'D CUT OFF YOUR DICK MR MILLIONAIRE!!!".

Mind you all the rest of us riders are watching this scene with our mouths open and eyes bugged out. Unfortunately, at this moment, we pulled into my stop and I got off.

I wonder how the rest of the ride played out.

Wednesday Morning Rush Commute:
Not nearly as exciting as the crazy bbq bobbit lady, but a 'wtf' moment indeed...I'm running late this morning, per usual, and squeeze into the F train just as the doors are closing. Leaning against the door while reading my Metro, I notice a familiar odor. Ganja. At 8:45. On the F train. ??? I glance at the guy leaning next to me. 20something. I could see him doing a little wake and bake before work or school, but he looks a little too innocent. The smell grows thicker. Now my curiosity is perked. And then.......I see him. So tall his head is almost hitting the ceiling of the car, skinny black man sucking on a BLUNT. In the middle of the F train. At 8:45am. He ignored the various stares - some of disbelief others of anger and continued to saunter back and forth along the aisle of the car. When his blunt was finished, he casually entered the next car.

Wonder what will happen tonight, dear readers...

Bumpwatch 2006 - Brangelina come out of hiding

The above is from a photo shoot Brangelina did for the UK mag OK!. How cute is little Zahara?! And how big-bumped is Angie...We'll be seeing the arrival of the Sexiest Baby Alive in People soon. The mag reportedly paid $3.5MM for exclusive shots.

PS - US Weekly's reporting that BritBrit's preggers again. Apparently, she's not too happy about it and broke down in the doc's office upon hearing the news. Having just fired her nanny for the whole Sean Preston falling on his head incident, you gotta worry about the safety of these two kids. You know that slug of a husband isn't helping out....Poor Britney, she was just going to start trying to get her career back on track from the trainwreck it's become by recording a new album and touring.

The Devil Does Jury Duty

From today's gawker stalker...

"Hi—just sat near Anna Wintour at Jury Duty downtown at 111 Centre Street. She was wearing a really expensive dress and had to sit with the common people. She huffed as I discussed the cheap Prada sold in nearby Chinatown with another potential juror. She must have thought I was talking about that crap book because she looked up and made a bit of a groan. We all got release from jury service at 12:35pm

At a break during jury duty, I was admiring the cream colored skirt on an impeccably dressed woman with a blondish bob, who I realized was none other than the Anna Wintour. It looks like even she couldn’t get out of jury duty. Thank goodness I look reasonably fashionable today, although I wouldn’t dare to eat carbs in her presence. "

I'm About To Vomit Up My Lunch Just Envisioning This...

Here in NYC, we've endured quite the soaking lately from Mother Nature. Here's a side effect of flooding I've never considered until now - Cesspools.

Out on the Island, (Huntington to be exact), a Grandpa, his son and a neighbor were sucked into one of these nasty toilet refuse catching beasts. The poor Grandpa went outside to fetch his Sunday paper and his lawn literally swallowed him up and sucked him down into the sewagey funk. When his son and neighbor went to help, they too were sucked down. Finally the fire department came and dragged them all out. Physically, all are fine. Now mentally - I'm not so sure...

I've never been happier to live in a 4 story walk-up.

http://hosted.ap.org/dynamic/stories/C/CESSPOOL_RESCUE?SITE=1010WINS&SECTION=HOME&TEMPLATE=DEFAULT

Junior's Has Officially Sold Out

First came the Grand Central outlet. Now, taking a cue from Starbucks, ESPNzone and the like, my beloved Junior's is now building an outpost in the bermuda triangle otherwise known as Times Square.

This development leads me to assume that Junior's will be attempting a full on rollout of new establishments. Here's hoping there's not one coming to a mall near you anytime soon...

Junior's to Sell Cheesecake in Times Square
NEW YORK -- Legendary Brooklyn cheesecake is coming to Times Square.Junior's restaurant says it plans to open an eatery at the Crossroads of the World to offer its famous desserts -- plus fried chicken, pastrami sandwiches and other goodies.Alan Rosen's grandfather opened the original Junior's on Flatbush Avenue 56 years ago. Rosen tells the Daily News he's bringing the whole Brooklyn experience to Manhattan.The new restaurant opens in June. It'll have nearly 200 seats and room for dozens more in an outdoor cafe.

PS - Any readers curious about the cheesecakes but without access to NYC, order one on the web. You will not be dissappointed. http://www.juniorscheesecake.com/

Dead Man Walking...Update

Roth was officially given his walking papers today.

"I was booted, tossed, and it's going to cost somebody," Roth said on his last show, intimating that his lawyers would go after CBS Radio for the full compensation due from his reported $4 million contract.

The timing of the move was interesting: It arrived just days before the Roth show's first Arbitron numbers." - c/o www.cnn.com

Roth's replacement is widely speculated to be Opie and Anthony, the guys CBS fired a few years back for airing a couple having sex in St. Peter's. Interesting move...

Funny "W" pic of the day

Chinese President Hu Jintao looks like he's gonna put a sumo-smackdown on George.

Way to improve international relations, W.

picture c/o our friends at: www.dlisted.com

Favorite new "New Rule" by Bill Maher

New Rule: You can't go out and play until you finish your war. President Bush kicked off another baseball season with a high, inside ceremonial first pitch. Come to think of it, the president's pitching style is a lot like what he's exhibited in Iraq: a lot of balls, with no real plan to get anybody out.

The F Train Follies

Our snarky subway conductors are back...and better than ever.
c/o www.nyoverheard.com

Conductor: This is the…uh…the B? F? Train to brook-queens? What’s the next stop? Hell, I don’t know. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome aboard the MTA! We don’t know where we’re going but we’ll get you there!
–V train

Conductor: Just a reminder, you are safer on the train with your arms and legs fully in the train. I repeat, do not hang your limbs outside the train.
–Times Square shuttle

Conductor: 72nd Street station, change here for the 2 and 3 trains across the platform. Number 2 train in the station: the doors are wide open; you can’t miss it. Don’t let me down.
–1 train

Conductor: There will never be another F train!
-F train

The Donald Strikes Again

The man, the hair, the ego...THE DONALD. Love him or hate him?

Love him.

Here's a guy that follows my mantra "Carpe Diem." No opportunistic venture goes unseized for this guy. Running out of buildings to slap his name on in the city, he's recently set his sights northward towards our innocent suburbs.

First, there was the erection of his luxury housing in White Plains. Now comes his "charitable" contribution for the suave manipulation of local zoning laws to complete the project. The Donald is generously donating "436 bucolic acres" for a new state park that will be named for - shocker - himself.

The new Donald J. Trump State Park will provide the residents of Putnam county a place to kick back, The Donald and his buddy Pataki jovially proclaimed.

Lest you think our modern day Gorden Grieco's lost his touch, the original plans were to open yet another golf course. When the local gov officials showed some spine, (and profits at nearby jersey course were threatened by cannibalism) the plans were tweaked to be a public park broken into two main sections - one in Putnam and one in Westchester.

Ever humble, The Donald meekly admitted, "I can't put a price tag on the 436 acres, but I can tell you this would not be open space but for Donald Trump."

Would you hit it?

Comedian Gilbert Gottfried was crowned "unsexiest man in the world" by an alternative newspaper Tuesday.

"The parrot-voiced, pickle-faced comic is to sexy what Kryptonite is to Superman," The Boston Phoenix wrote.

New York Yankees pitcher Randy Johnson came in second (must have been, in part, due to his shitty outting yesterday) followed by film critic Roger Ebert and Dr. Phil McGraw. All good picks in my opinion.

Osama bin Laden clocked in at number eight. What's wrong, don't bostonians know facial hair's making a huge comeback?

And surprise, surprise...Georgieboy Steinbrenner also made the list.

"Come on, we live in Boston, you knew it was coming," the Phoenix said.

One More Reason Not To Visit LA

Case of Bubonic Plague confirmed in L.A.

Bubonic plague is believed to have been the "Black Death" that killed 25 million people in Europe between 1346 and 1351.

WTF is it doing showing up in modern day LA? Doctors say it's likely the woman they're treating got it from fleas infected by rodents.

What's next, frogs falling from the sky ala Magnolia?

Marty's At It Again

My favorite NYC politician (not to worry Bloomie and Wiener, I've still nothing but love for you, too), is at it again.

Marty Markowitz, who puts the Prez into borough president, just unveiled a new kitschy street sign to be erected on Bushwick Avenue. I scoured the web in hopes of sharing a pic of this gem with you, dear readers, but alas, it was to no avail. The new sign reads, I shit you not - "Brooklyn: In the House!"

You'll have to suffice with the one above, also a sign you'd see at one of the various entry points from Queens.

Bumpwatch 2006 - It's a Girl!

TomKitten has arrived...

Suri Cruise was welcomed into the world earlier today. She and Mom are doing well and I'm assuming Tom's hopping like crazy on every piece of furniture he owns.

A statement the couple released says "Suri means "princess" in Hebrew and "red rose" in Persian. The girl weighed in at 7 pounds, 7 ounces, and registered 20 inches in length. "

Congrats, kids.

But, now we wait with baited breath for the Sexiest Baby Alive to be borne to Brangelina.

Bumpwatch 2006

It's Gwennie...and Moses!

Lighten Up, South Park

It's been years since I've been a regular viewer of South Park. Back in the day, I would gather with my housemates to watch our favorite show about some wiseass Colorado kids on that little known network, Comedy Central.

After the Christmas Poo episode, I outgrew this little simpsons-but-on-a-whole-new-level cartoon.

Apparently, the producers/writers have a major bug up their ass. The bug being their hosting network. Comedy Central banned an episode that made fun of Mohammad. South Park's reaction? To air the following this week:

"The comedy -- in an episode aired during Holy Week for Christians -- instead featured an image of Jesus Christ defecating on President Bush and the American flag."

Jesus! (pun intended)

Point taken.

Bill Mahar must be salivating...

Dead Man Walking

When Howard Stern did his much ballyhooed jump to Sirius Radio, Van Halen's most hated veteran was cast to step into his shoes.

Before the first show was finished, many naysayers touted that Roth was as well.

Fast forward a few months, and it seems that the end, is indeed, near.

"The once-spandexed lead singer has rarely hit the right notes since his January debut on New York's WFNY-FM (billed as Free-FM) and six other CBS Radio stations. In a recent broadcast, Roth claimed he was bombarded with four management letters in five days about content and predicted his show could be finished before May.
Several of his on-air sidekicks were dumped as the program struggled to find its groove. Roth disappeared from the airwaves for two days amid the turmoil."

Click here for the full story on www.cnn.com : http://www.cnn.com/2006/SHOWBIZ/Music/04/13/roth.radio.ap/index.html

The F Train Follies

Back in January, I shared with you a story about a guy who passengers on the Q train thought was just sleeping...

"Picture yourself going about your normal commuting routine on a Friday Morning. You step onto a Northbound Q train and at around 14th street/Union Square, you notice something amiss. As the cars hooked a curve and the idiot driver accelerates, everyone on the train lurches uncontrollably. Everyone, that is but the guy slumped sleeping in the seat across from you...http://1010wins.com/topstories/local_story_021064550.html"

Well, it happened again today, but this time on the N line. When the train came to rest at Coney Island, police wanted to know why one particular guy wasn't getting off. Was he a bum staking his claim for the night? Did he just want to enjoy a Nathan's Dog on the boardwalk and take in the 'charm' of Astro Park after dark? Or did he just really love the Broadway route?

Sadly, none of the above is true. Not the way I'd want to go out...

http://www.1010wins.com/pages/24999.php

My Worst Fear

I've been teased about my phobia of crosswalks many times. Unplussed, I've stood firm on my stance that crossing the street in Manhattan is like playing a real-life game of frogger, even if crossing at a red light.

Sadly, my theory was proved correct at 8:53am today at the border of SoHo/The Village:

From our friends at 1010wins.com:
NEW YORK (1010 WINS) -- At least two pedestrians were struck by a car that drove onto the sidewalk in lower Manhattan. The New York City fire department says the incident occurred at 8:53 Wednesday morning at the intersection of West Houston and West Broadway. The extent of the injuries or other details were not immediately known.

Damon's on Letterman...

No, not Matt, dear readers, but our newly shaved and shorn edition to the Yanks. Lest you think Johnny's screwing up his sleep for Opening Day, rest assured, Letterman tapes at 5pm. The anticipation is killing me how he'll handle Dave...

Lest you forget the Queer Eye For The Straight Guy Georgie Boy pulled on him, here's a little before and after for you:

Before:

and, After:

It's amazing what a set of pinstripes can do.

Apologies for those that don't care, but Billy Crystal's on and annoying me...Ok, now he's picking on Bonds and the fans throwing syringes at him. And who can't find fun in that?

"Are they throwing tigers back at Roy [Horn}?" Not bad, Billy. I dig it.

And, once again, you're annoying me. Let him pitch his kids book and move on, Dave...Seriously, Billy's been going on about his termite problem for 5 mins now. I might gouge ears out in a minute if Dave doesn't move him along.

Finally, Damon's coming...

And, he's looking like one of Nick Lachey's booted back up dancers. Hair's much better though.

Dave: "and the reason you're off to a slow start is that you're all a bunch of low paid beginners."

God, I love Dave.

He's excited to "put on pinstripes tomorrow and walk out to the field and hope that the fans don't throw something at me."

Ok, that just earned my respect.

Now Dave's going to go embarrass himself playing catch...

It's actually a batting practice. Dave's started getting pitching advice from "Joe". Holyfucknuts, it's St. Torre. Joe himself came out to pitch Damon...and gets in 2 real strikes. Damon is quickly replaced for Crystal. Joe, I've never loved you more. And Damon, again welcome. Glad to have you.

Just don't pull that tomorrow...

Bumpwatch 2006...It's a boy!

Gwennie and Chris welcomed Moses Martin over the weekend. Both Mom Paltrow and Baby Moses are doing fine.

Moses. Hmm, well let's hope his nickname is Mo' Martin as I can already see what his middle school years will consist of...

"Hey Moooooooooses, Part This!"

What To Add To Your Netflix This Week...

Unless you're an inmate in Massachusetts.

I adored the Oscar/Golden Globe/Spirit Awards/SAG/GLADD award winner Brokeback Mountain. Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal's portrayal of a unique love story was touching.

Apparently the Massachusetts Penal System found it a little too touching.

A corrections officer was disciplined after showing the film to inmates at a prison in Norfolk, Massachusetts, about 25 miles southwest of Boston.

A spokesperson insists that it wasn't the fact that the movie features a gay theme as its basis, but rather the sexually explicit scenes which deemed it inappropriate.

Funny - I remember all the love scenes and the only nudity I remember was Michelle Williams' breasts and ass and Anne Hathaway's breasts.

I should hope that the following Oscar Award Winners also made 'the do-not-show cut' for their sexually explicit scenes - Monster's Ball, American Beauty, Titanic, Shakespeare in Love, The English Patient, The Piano...

From our friends at www.cnn.com:

http://www.cnn.com/2006/US/04/08/prison.brokeback.reut/index.html

Welcome Back, Kate

Kate Moss has just signed a $15 million dollar contract with Calvin Klein, the fashion house that launched her career and the "Heroin Chic" movement.

Personally, I'm glad to see that someone in the fashion community has embraced her. So, she got caught doing a little nose candy. The labels that dropped her are hypocrites, as practically everyone in the industry dabbles in one vice or another.

The girl's been to rehab, swallowed her pride and admitted her mistakes. She's still beautiful and the camera continues to love her. Kudos to the folks at Calvin.

And hey, it's not like she's the one habitually attacking poor assistants with rhinestone encrusted cellphones...

Prince Charming

I've always been enthralled with the soap opera that is the British Royal Family. I've especially enjoyed watching the two young Princes find their place in the world. In the past couple of years, Prince Harry has become my favorite Royal.

Here's a guy who knows he's likely never taking the throne and has always walked in his brother's shadow. Harry's always been a bit of a wild child - sticking his tongue out at paparazzi, going clubbing, smoking pot, donning questionable costumes and being a fierce force out on the rugby field.

Harry recently completed his military training. And how did our spunky heir third in line to the throne celebrate?

Just like any other guy - He visited a strip club, the Spearmint Rhino in Slough, England.

The newspapers are all over this story across the pond and once again, he's tabloid fodder. But hey, cut the kid a break.

"He will serve in the Blues and Royals regiment of the Household Cavalry -- one of the British army's oldest and most prestigious units -- and be eligible for future service in Iraq or Afghanistan."

I say let him enjoy a little lapdance in peace.

"Art" - WIlliamsburg Style

Admit it, you've been curious having just seen the statue from the front.

A bit of background on those who haven't read about the sculpture from the 'pr' whizzes at www.send2press.com :

"A nude Britney Spears on a bearskin rug while giving birth to her firstborn marks a 'first' for Pro-Life. Pop-star Britney Spears is the "ideal" model for Pro-Life and the subject of a dedication at Capla Kesting Fine Art in Brooklyn's Williamsburg gallery district, in what is proclaimed the first Pro-Life monument to birth, in April.

"Monument to Pro-Life: The Birth of Sean Preston," believed Pro-Life's first monument to the 'act of giving birth,' is purportedly an idealized depiction of Britney in delivery. Natural aspects of Spears' pregnancy, like lactiferous breasts and protruding naval, compliment a posterior view that depicts widened hips for birthing and reveals the crowning of baby Sean's head."

Consider yourself warned...

Bumpwatch 2006

Seriously, when is the little TomKat going to arrive? This girl's been preggers for years now! I'm feeling uncomfortable just looking at her...

Favorite new "New Rule" by Bill Maher

New Rule: For the rest of his trial, Saddam Hussein has to be put in that Hannibal Lecter thing. It'll cut down on the outbursts. Plus, we need him to look evil. Instead of what he looks like right now: a viable option.

The F Train Follies - Don't you just love tourists?

Tourist dad: Oh my god, why does it say Grand Central? Guys, get off the train! Why is it Grand Central?

Chick: If you're trying to go to Times Square just wait on that platform.

Tourist dad: No, we're trying to go to Grand Central Station.

Chick: Um, well, you're here.

Tourist dad: Grand Central Terminal? How is it Grand Central?

--7 train

Because Who Doesn't Love Peeps?

Because your addiction to those marshmellowy gobs of fun shouldn't be contained to Eastertime, why not test out your culinary skills with this gem of a find...It's a Peeps maker! $26 gets you the machine and another $8 for the 'ingredients'.

Pride be damned. I might have to purchase one out of sheer curiosity.

http://www.fredflare.com/customer/product.php?productid=1158&cat=254#

Maybe Next Time I'll RSVP In The Negative

I am not a fan of Showers. I cannot bring myself to coo over yet another dish setting. I do not know, nor do I care, what a "Diaper Genie" is. I've been told "when it's your time, you'll feel differently", but I'm going to go out on a limb and swear that the shower gene is not one I inherited.

Pushing 30, I'm at the age where many of my beloved friends are hosting or being celebrated at these events and so I've diligently hunted down respectable items on registries and even "Oohed" a few times. I've become quite the competitive player during the inevitable rounds of games. But mostly, I just show up in black and sip the complimentary Pinot Grigio.

That said, I nearly choked on my afternoon Starbucks fix when I saw the following headline on cnn.com:

"Pregnant woman beaten at baby shower"

"Aristotle Garcia, got into a fight with a man who is dating his ex-girlfriend. The argument, over whether the woman let their 5-year-old daughter drink beer, escalated and drew in two other people -- Jazz Rivas and Juan Velazquez. When the baby shower's hostess tried to intervene, Rivas began hitting some of the guests, including the 22-year-old mother-to-be, with a large stick. Velazquez fired a gun in the air, then fired it into the crowd, hitting Garcia in the stomach."

Not to worry, everyone's in stable condition and the mother-to-be is doing fine.

Seriously, kind of crowd is this? A - Men at a shower? B - A guest BEATS the pregnant guest of honor with a STICK?

It should be noted that this incident took place in Springfield, Massachusetts.

Brings new meaning to the term "Massholes" doesn't it?

More Than Meets The Eye

Circa '86, my brother's Transformers were the apple of my eye. These toys were genius. A movie version is long overdue and lucky for us, just about to start filming care of those crazy kids at DreamWorks.

From our friends at www.eonline.com

Shia LeBeouf is more than meets the eye in Transformers. He has joined DreamWorks' live-action film based on the 1980s toy robots that morph into planes, trains and automobiles. LeBeouf plays a young man who buys his first car, only to discover it's one of the Autobot Transformers. Michael Bay directs the flick, shooting in Los Angeles in May.

Let's Play Ball!

It's finally that time of the year again, dear readers.

The sun's out a bit later, the air is a bit warmer and half my office has either taken the day off or called in sick to be at the Other Stadium across town to celebrate opening day.

My boys from The Bronx will open their season later tonight on the west coast with the Big Unit on the mound. Let's hope he's not as snarky to Posada (who's actually allowed to catch him tonight) as he's been to his secret love child in the press this past week.

UPDATE: Congrats to both NY teams for their wins today. Here's hoping for another Subway World Series...

Happy April Fools

In the spirit of celebrating the non-holiday April Fools, ZMadison has uncovered some hilarious faux "The More You Know" PSAs done by the folks at NBC's The Office.

Our favorites: Never make a sex tape, Friends don't let friends drink expensive beer and Don't throw away the card.

Check it out at http://www.nbc.com/The_Office/video/sub_122.shtml

Funnies From Grandpop

My octogenarian grandfather has embraced the internet and began forwarding me email chains about a year ago. While some are politically bent (he's as die hard Dem as they come), many are just good old clean fun.

Here's a couple of gems he sent that I'll dub "From the mouths of babes":

A wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said, "Would you like to say the blessing?"

"I wouldn't know what to say," the girl replied.

"Just say what you hear Mommy say," the wife answered.

The daughter bowed her head and said, "Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?"

...

A Sunday school teacher asked her class, "What was Jesus' mother'sname?"

One child answered, "Mary."

The teacher then asked, "Who knows what Jesus ' father's name was?"

A little kid said, "Verge."

Confused, the teacher asked, "Where did you get that?"

The kid said, "Well, you know, they are always talking about Verge n' Mary.''